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A SCOT'S TALE

Added on: 25th Mar 2014

 

ONE MISTY SCOTTISH MORNING A MAN IS DRIVING

 

THROUGH THE HILLS TO INVERNESS.

 

SUDDENLY OUT OF THE MIST,

 

A MASSIVE RED-HAIRED HIGHLANDER STEPS INTO

 

THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD.

 

THE MAN IS AT LEAST SIX FEET FOUR,

 

HAS A HUGE RED BEARD AND, DESPITE THE WIND,

 

MIST, AND NEAR FREEZING TEMPERATURES,

 

IS WEARING ONLY HIS KILT, A TWEED SHIRT AND

 

A TAM-O''-SHANTER AT A RAKISH ANGLE.

 

AT THE ROADSIDE THERE ALSO STANDS A YOUNG WOMAN.

 

SHE IS ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL -- SLIM, SHAPELY,

 

FAIR COMPLEXION, GOLDEN HAIR... HEART STOPPING.

 

THE DRIVER STOPS AND STARES, AND HIS

 

ATTENTION IS ONLY DISTRACTED FROM THE LOVELY

 

GIRL WHEN THE RED THING OPENS THE CAR DOOR AND

 

DRAGS HIM FROM HIS SEAT ONTO THE ROAD WITH A

 

FIST RESEMBLING A WHOLE RAW HAM.

 

''''RIGHT, YOU JIMMY,'''' HE SHOUTS,

 

''''AH WANT YOU TO MASTURBATE!''''

 

''''BUT......'''' STAMMERS THE DRIVER.

 

''''DU IT NOW - OR I''LL BLUDDY KILL YU!''''

 

SO THE DRIVER TURNS HIS BACK ON THE GIRL,

 

DROPS HIS TROUSERS AND STARTS TO MASTURBATE.

 

THINKING OF THE GIRL ON THE ROADSIDE,

 

THIS DOESN''T TAKE HIM LONG.

 

''''RIGHT!'''' SNARLS THE HIGHLANDER

 

''''DU IT AGIN, NOW!''''

 

SO THE DRIVER DOES IT AGAIN.

 

''''RIGHT LADDIE, DU IT AGIN!''''

 

DEMANDS THE HIGHLANDER.

 

THIS GOES ON FOR NEARLY TWO HOURS.

 

THE HAPLESS DRIVER GETS CRAMPS IN BOTH ARMS,

 

HE HAS RUBBED HIMSELF RAW, IS VIOLENTLY

 

ACHING, HIS SIGHT IS FAILING AND DESPITE THE

 

COLD WIND, HE HAS COLLAPSED IN A SWEATING,

 

JIBBERING HEAP ON THE GROUND, UNABLE TO STAND.

 

''''DU IT AGAIN!'''' SAYS THE HIGHLANDER.

 

''''I CAN''T DO IT ANY MORE

 

YOU''LL JUST HAVE TO KILL ME!''''

 

WHIMPERS THE MAN.

 

THE HIGHLANDER LOOKS DOWN AT THE PATHETIC

 

SOUL SLUMPED ON THE ROADSIDE AND SAYS,

 

''''ALL RIGHT LADDIE. NOW,

 

CAN YOU GIVE MA DAUGHTER A LIFT TO INVERNESS?''''

 

 scotsman  animation

 

 

 


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