ONE GOOD DEED

A GUY JUST DIED AND HE'S AT THE PEARLY GATES,

WAITING TO BE ADMITTED, WHILE ST. PETER IS

LEAFING' THROUGH HIS BIG BOOK TO SEE IF THE GUY

IS WORTHY. ST. PETER GOES THROUGH THE BOOK

SEVERAL TIMES AND FURROWS HIS BROW 

"YOU KNOW, I CAN'T SEE THAT YOU EVER DID ANYTHING

REALLY BAD IN YOUR LIFE, BUT YOU NEVER DID ANYTHING

REALLY GOOD EITHER. IF YOU CAN POINT TO EVEN ONE

REALLY GOOD DEED -- YOU'RE IN."

THE GUY THINKS FOR A MOMENT. 

"YEAH, THERE WAS THIS ONE TIME WHEN I WAS

DRIVING DOWN THE HIGHWAY AND SAW A GIANT GROUP

OF BIKER GANG RAPISTS ASSAULTING THIS POOR GIRL.

I SLOWED DOWN MY CAR TO SEE WHAT WAS GOING ON AND

SURE ENOUGH, THERE THEY WERE, ABOUT 50 OF 'EM RIPPING

THE CLOTHES OFF THIS TERRIFIED YOUNG WOMAN.

INFURIATED, I GOT OUT OF MY CAR, GRABBED A TIRE IRON

OUT OF MY TRUNK, AND WALKED UP TO THE LEADER OF

THE GANG, A HUGE GUY WITH A STUDDED LEATHER JACKET

AND A CHAIN RUNNING FROM HIS NOSE TO HIS EAR.

AS I WALKED UP TO THE LEADER, THE BIKER GANG RAPISTS

FORMED A CIRCLE AROUND ME. SO, I RIPPED THE LEADER'S

CHAIN OFF HIS FACE AND SMASHED HIM OVER THE HEAD

WITH THE TIRE IRON. LAYED HIM OUT.

THEN I TURNED AND YELLED AT THE REST OF THEM,

'LEAVE THIS POOR INNOCENT GIRL ALONE!

YOU'RE ALL A BUNCH OF SICK, DERANGED ANIMALS!

GO HOME BEFORE I TEACH YOU ALL A LESSON IN PAIN!'"

ST. PETER, IMPRESSED, SAYS,

"REALLY? WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?" 

"OH, ABOUT TWO MINUTES AGO."