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PENIS REQUESTS A RAISE

Added on: 29th Jul 2014

 

I, THE PENIS, HEREBY REQUEST A RAISE IN

 

SALARY FOR THE FOLLOWING REASONS:

 

I DO PHYSICAL LABOUR.

 

I WORK AT GREAT DEPTHS.

 

I PLUNGE HEAD FIRST INTO EVERYTHING I DO.

 

I DO NOT GET WEEKENDS OFF OR PUBLIC HOLIDAYS.

 

I WORK IN A DAMP ENVIRONMENT.

 

I DON'T GET PAID OVERTIME.

 

I WORK IN A DARK WORKPLACE THAT HAS POOR VENTILATION.

 

I WORK IN HIGH TEMPERATURES.

 

MY WORK EXPOSES ME TO CONTAGIOUS DISEASES.

 

DEAR PENIS,

 

AFTER ASSESSING YOUR REQUEST, AND

 

CONSIDERING THE ARGUMENTS YOU HAVE RAISED.

 

THE ADMINISTRATION REJECTS YOUR REQUEST

 

FOR THE FOLLOWING REASONS:

 

YOU DO NOT WORK 8 HOURS STRAIGHT.

 

YOU FALL ASLEEP ON THE JOB AFTER

 

BRIEF WORK PERIOD.

 

YOU DO NOT ALWAYS FOLLOW THE ORDERS

 

OF THE MANAGEMENT TEAM.

 

YOU DO NOT STAY IN YOUR ALLOCATED POSITION

 

AND OFTEN VISIT OTHER AREAS.

 

YOU DO NOT TAKE INITIATIVE.

 

YOU NEED TO BE PRESSURED AND STIMULATED

 

IN ORDER TO START WORKING.

 

YOU LEAVE THE WORKPLACE RATHER

 

MESSY AT THE END OF YOUR SHIFT.

 

YOU DON'T ALWAYS OBSERVE THE NECESSARY SAFETY

 

REGULATIONS, SUCH AS WEARING THE

 

CORRECT PROTECTIVE CLOTHING.

 

YOU'LL RETIRE WELL BEFORE REACHING 65.

 

YOU'RE UNABLE TO WORK DOUBLE SHIFTS.

 

YOU SOMETIMES LEAVE YOUR ALLOCATED POSITION

 

BEFORE YOU HAVE COMPLETED THE DAY'S WORK.

 

AND IF THAT WERE NOT ALL,

 

YOU HAVE BEEN SEEN CONSTANTLY ENTERING AND

 

LEAVING THE WORKPLACE CARRYING

 

2 SUSPICIOUS LOOKING BAGS.

 

SINCERELY,

THE MANAGEMENT.

 

penis animated GIF

 


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