EDINBURGH FRINGE JOKES

HERE’S A SELECTION OF JOKES AND ONE-LINERS TOLD

AT THE EDINBURGH FRINGE THIS YEAR

NOMINATED BY COMEDIANS.

I AM NOT SAYING THAT THEY ARE ALL FUNNY.

1.   "WATSON! I'VE OVERDOSED ON IMMODIUM!"

"NO S***, SHERLOCK.”

ANDREW O’NEILL.

2.   COLIN HAD HIS NECK BRACE FITTED YEARS AGO AND

SINCE THEN HE’S NEVER LOOKED BACK.

ALFIE MOORE.

3.   I WORKED OUT THAT ON AVERAGE I SLEEP WITH A

LITTLE OVER THREE PEOPLE EVERY WEEK.

YOU COULD SAY I'M PI-SEXUAL.

JAMES BENNISON,

PROFESSOR BENNISON'S LIFE OF PI, HOTEL IBIS.

4.   WHEN MY WIFE AND I ARGUE, WE’RE LIKE A BAND IN CONCERT:

WE START WITH SOME NEW STUFF AND THEN WE

ROLL OUT OUR GREATEST HITS.

FRANK SKINNER.

5.   I WAS BROUGHT UP A VERY STRICT MUSLIM...

NO, DON'T BE SCARED, THERE AREN'T ENOUGH OF YOU

TO MAKE IT WORTHWHILE.

BISHA K. ALI.

6.   EVERY VAGINA IS A UNIQUE SNOWFLAKE...

MADE OF GAMMON.

BRIDGET CHRISTIE.

7.   I USED TO LOVE SITTING IN SHOPPING TROLLEYS.

MUM WOULD SHOUT AT ME:

CHRISTOPHER, GET OUT... OF THE CANAL'.

CHRIS TURNER.

8.   ONE THING YOU'LL NEVER HEAR A HINDU SAY...

"AH WELL, YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE."

HARDEEP SINGH KOHLI.

9. A MAN ROBS A BANK WEARING A BALACLAVA

'DID YOU SEE MY FACE?' HE SAYS TO THE TELLER.

'JUST A LITTLE BIT.' BANG. HE SHOOTS HER.

'DID YOU SEE MY FACE' HE SAYS TO ANOTHER TELLER.

'ONLY BRIEFLY' HE SAYS.

BANG. HE SHOOTS HIM.

HE TURNS TO A JEWISH MAN WHO IS STANDING BESIDE HIM.

'DID YOU SEE MY FACE?' HE SAYS

'NO. I DIDN'T,' SAYS THE JEWISH MAN 'BUT MY WIFE,

SHE SAW YOUR FACE.' IVOR DEMBINO.

10. HAD AN ARGUMENT WITH ONE OF THE SEVEN DWARFS.  

HE WASN’T HAPPY.

REBECCA HUMPHRIES.