EDINBURGH FRINGE GAGS
Added on: 2nd Sep 2014
61. I’M LEARNING THE HOKEY COKEY.
NOT ALL OF IT.
BUT I’VE GOT THE INS AND OUTS.
IAIN STIRLING.
62. RECENTLY WE GOT A NEW CHILD IN THE FAMILY
MY NEW STEPMOM.
CAMILLA CLEESE.
63. STEPHEN HAWKING HAD HIS FIRST DATE FOR
10 YEARS LAST WEEK. HE CAME BACK,
HIS GLASSES WERE SMASHED, HE HAD A BROKEN WRIST,
A TWISTED ANKLE AND GRAZED KNEES;
APPARENTLY, SHE STOOD HIM UP!
JIM SEALEY.
64. I’VE GOT VERY SENSITIVE TEETH.
THEY’LL PROBABLY BE UPSET I’VE TOLD YOU.
GORDON SOUTHERN.
65. IF I’M EVER FEELING DOWN I JUST TYPE:
‘YO ARE THE BEST’ INTO GOOGLE.
THEN IT RESPONDS: ‘I THINK YOU MEAN:
“YOU ARE THE BEST”’ AND I FEEL MUCH BETTER.
JACK BARRY.
66. THIS BLOKE SAID TO ME:
‘I’M GOING TO ATTACK YOU WITH THE NECK OF A GUITAR.’
I SAID: ‘IS THAT A FRET?’
TIM VINE.
67. GROWING UP I TOOK AFTER MY MUM...
AND BY THAT I MEAN I HAD LARGE BREASTS AND
WAS SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO MY DAD
STEVE MCLEAN.
68. PEOPLE SAY I’VE GOT NO WILLPOWER.
BUT I’VE QUIT SMOKING LOADS OF TIMES.
KAI HUMPHRIES.
69. WHY DON'T AFRICANS GO ON CRUISES?
THAT'S EXACTLY HOW THEY GOT US THE LAST TIME.
ATHENA KUGBLENU.
70. THE WEDDING INVITE SAID: ‘SIMON FEILDER +1’.
SO I TURNED UP AN HOUR LATE.
SIMON FEILDER.
71. I THOUGHT BENEFITS STREET WAS A
BUDGET BOX OF CHOCOLATES THAT
YOU COULD BUY AT LIDL.
IMRAN YUSUF.
72. MY FRIEND GOT A PERSONAL TRAINER
A YEAR BEFORE HIS WEDDING.
I THOUGHT: ‘BLOODY HELL.
HOW LONG’S THE AISLE GOING TO BE?’
PAUL MCCAFFREY.
73. THE OTHER DAY, I WENT TO KFC.
I DIDN’T KNOW KENTUCKY HAD A FOOTBALL CLUB.
NICK HELM.
74. FEMINISM IS NOT A FAD.
IT’S NOT LIKE ANGRY BIRDS.
ALTHOUGH IT DOES INVOLVE A LOT OF ANGRY BIRDS.
BAD EXAMPLE.
BRIDGET CHRISTIE.
75. POP UP YOUR HAND IF YOU LIKE PARTICIPATING
IN MARKET RESEARCH.
BEN TARGET.
76. I KEEP WRITING LETTERS TO MYSELF.
DEAR ME.
MARK SIMMONS.
77. WHATS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN INLAWS AND OUTLAWS...
OUTLAWS ARE WANTED.
JOE BAINS.
78. WHO REMEMBERS WHEN X FACTOR WAS
JUST ROMAN SUNCREAM?
CHRIS TURNER.
79. A LOT OF MY FRIENDS PUT UP THEIR BABY SCANS
ON FACEBOOK – IF THEY GET MORE THAN 30 LIKES,
THEY'LL KEEP IT.
CHRISTIAN ELDERFIELD.
80. EVEN THE WORD MISOGYNY IS MISOGYNISTIC.
IT SHOULD BE MS-OGYNY.
BEC HILL.
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