LAST OF THE EDINBURGH FRINGE GAGS
Added on: 3rd Sep 2014
81. OH MY GOD, MEGA DRAMA THE OTHER DAY:
MY DISHWASHER STOPPED WORKING!
YUH, HIS VISA EXPIRED.
ALEXANDER HENRY BUCHANAN-DUNLOP.
82. I’M VERY GOOD FRIENDS WITH 25 LETTERS OF
THE ALPHABET. I DON’T KNOW WHY.
CHRIS TURNER.
83. MY WIFE SAID:
‘DID YOU KNOW BUTTERFLIES ONLY LIVE FOR ONE DAY?’
I SAID: ‘THAT’S A MYTH.’
SHE SAID: ‘NO, IT’S DEFINITELY A BUTTERFLY.’
TOM BINNS.
84. I THINK THE MOST TRAGIC THING ABOUT JESUS' LIFE
IS THAT HE PROBABLY NEVER GOT TO GO SWIMMING.
ALAN POWER.
85. I’D LIKE TO REASSURE YOU –
I'M TOO TALL, NOT TOO NEAR.
JAMES SHAKESHAFT.
86. IT'S OFTEN SAID THAT MEN ARE FROM MARS
AND WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS.HMMM,
THAT’S THE WRONG WAY ‘ROUND, SURELY?
AS MARS IS A CHOCOLATE COMPANY AND VENUS IS
A LAP-DANCING CLUB IN EAST LONDON.
GARY SHAW.
87. MY BROTHER AND FRIENDS SPEND ALL OF THEIR
TIME FLOATING OUT AT SEA. WELL, BOYS WILL BE BUOYS.
BEC HILL.
88. FUN FACT: HIV IS ROMAN FOR HIGH FIVE.
PASS IT ON. OR RATHER, DON’T.
RHYS JAMES.
89. I’LL TELL YOU WHAT SEPARATES THE MEN FROM
THE BOYS. OPERATION YEWTREE.
MAFF BROWN.
90. I AM A PROFESSIONAL PSYCHIC MEDIUM...
AND AT THE MOMENT I AM SENSING THAT PEOPLE
HAVE DIED IN THIS ROOM.
MARY FEILDING.
91. MY FATHER WAS A MAGICIAN. WELL,
NOT A MAGICIAN, HE JUST DISAPPEARED A LOT
WHEN WE WERE YOUNGER.
ALEX EDELMAN.
92. I BELIEVE IN GAY MARRIAGE SO THAT GAY
PEOPLE CAN BE AS MISERABLE AS STRAIGHT PEOPLE.
TOM ALLEN.
93. DURING THE WORLD CUP I WANTED A TICKET FOR
GERMANY VERSUS IRAN. THE ULTIMATE DILEMMA
FOR THE JEWISH SOCCER FAN
IVOR DEMBINA.
94. AS A GAY MAN I HATE THE RAINBOW FLAG,
ALL THE COLOURS CLASH.
I HAVE NOTHING THAT GOES WITH IT!
HARRY U. ELDRICH.
95. THE PURSUIT OF 'STARS' BY COMEDIANS AT THE
EDINBURGH FRINGE IS VERY REMINISCENT OF THE
MCDONALDS EMPLOYMENT LADDER,
BUT WITHOUT THE HAIRNETS.
KAI THE HIGH PRIEST.
96. LORD GRANTHAM: THINGS AREN'T GOING VERY
WELL UP HERE CARSON. HOW'S IT ALL GOING DOWNSTAIRS?
CARSON: IT'S ALL CLEARED UP NOW MY LORD.
DR CLARKSON GAVE ME SOME CREAM.
LUKE KEMPNER.
97. WHEN I LOOK AT MYSELF NAKED,
THE IDEA OF WHITE SUPREMACY SEEMS
PRETTY INCONCEIVABLE.
PETE JOHANSSON.
98. HAVE YOU HEARD THE SAYING,
"SHE'S BEEN AROUND THE BLOCK."
WELL MY EX WAS LIKE A SAT-NAV.
PETER MCCOLE.
99. YOU ARE HEREBY CHARGED WITH WEARING
AN UNNECESSARILY TROPICAL SHIRT IN A
INTEMPERATE CLIMATE HOW DO YOU PLEAD?
THOM TUCK.
100. I USED TO PRANK CALL THE RSPCA.
'MY CAT'S TRAPPED IN A BOX.'
'IS HE ALIVE?’
'I DON'T KNOW, I HAVEN’T OPENED THE BOX...'
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