IDEAS THAT DIDN'T WORK

CONSERVATIONISTS REINTRODUCED WHITE-TAILED

SEA EAGLES TO EAST SCOTLAND, WHERE THEY HAVEN’T

LIVED FOR 200 YEARS. AS A SAFEGUARD FOR THE EAGLES,

THEY WERE PLACED ON THE PROTECTED-SPECIES LIST.

These protected birds now have free rein to attack livestock

and civilians alike—an activity they seem very much to enjoy

and, apparently, are quite good at.

WHEN LOREAN SIMMONS LOCKED HERSELF OUT OF

HER PITTSBURGH HOME, SHE SOUGHT HELP FROM

THE AUTHORITIES.

First, she set her house on fire. Then she called the

emergency services, expecting firefighters to put out the

fire and unlock her door. As planned, the fire service responded,

but so did the police, who charged Simmons with

reckless endangerment.

IN AN EFFORT TO REHABILITATE INMATES,

HMP ISIS IN SOUTH LONDON OFFERS ADULT

EDUCATION CLASSES TO ITS CONVICTS

One prisoner, Nicholas Webber, used his class time in an IT

course to hack the prison’s computer system.

So why was Webber imprisoned in the first place?

Oh, yes, for hacking computers.

A MAN FROM WHITE ROCK, BRITISH COLUMBIA,

WAS SO SMITTEN WITH A LADY THAT HE BOOKED

A WEEKEND HOLIDAY FOR JUST THE TWO OF THEM.

His wife found out. After throwing all his belongings into

the garden, she advertised a “Lying Cheating Sale”

on Craigslist. “I want the house empty on Monday when

he returns,” her ad stated. Included in the sale were his favourite

red-leather recliner and “lots of tools, which he didn’t have

a clue how to use”.

JOHNS HOPKINS UNIVERSITY, PROFESSOR PETER

FROEHLICH ANNOUNCED TO THE STUDENTS IN HIS

COMPUTER-PROGRAMMING CLASS THAT THEIR FINAL

EXAMS WOULD BE GRADED ON A CURVE. THAT MEANT

THAT THE HIGHEST SCORE WOULD AUTOMATICALLY BE

100 PER CENT, AND EVERYBODY ELSE WOULD GET A

PERCENTAGE RELATIVE TO THAT GRADE.

His students refused to take the test, which meant they all

got a zero, which meant they all got the lowest and highest grade,

which, in turn, meant they all received an A for the exam.

CHRISTOPHER LOWCOCK WAS UNDER HOUSE ARREST

IN ROCHDALE ON DRUG AND WEAPONS CHARGES.

TO MAKE SURE HE WOULDN’T VIOLATE HIS CURFEW,

POLICE ATTACHED AN ELECTRONIC TAG TO HIS LEG.

Police attached the tag to Lowcock’s prosthetic leg,

which Lowcock easily removed in order to enjoy an

evening out on the town.