NEW YEARS RESOLUTION

A NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION IS SOMETHING THAT GOES

IN ONE YEAR AND OUT THE OTHER.

MY NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION IS TO BE MORE

OPTIMISTIC BY KEEPING MY CUP HALF-FULL

WITH EITHER RUM, VODKA, OR WHISKEY.

NEW YEARS EVE IS THE ONLY ACCEPTABLE

TIME TO WEAR BODY GLITTER WITHOUT

BEING MISTAKEN FOR A STRIPPER.

I'M GETTING DRUNK JUST THINKING

ABOUT TOMORROW NIGHT.

MY NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION IS TO STOP

HANGING OUT WITH PEOPLE WHO ASK ME

ABOUT MY NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS.

I HAVE ONLY ONE RESOLUTION.

TO REDISCOVER THE DIFFERENCE

BETWEEN WANTS AND NEEDS.

IF 2014 WAS A PERSON, I’D SUE HIM

FOR PAIN AND SUFFERING AND LOST WAGES.

THIS NEW YEAR’S I RESOLVE TO BE LESS

AWESOME SINCE THAT IS REALLY THE ONLY

THING I DO IN EXCESS.

PEOPLE TREAT NEW YEAR’S LIKE SOME

SORT OF LIFE-CHANGING EVENT.

IF YOUR LIFE SUCKED LAST YEAR,

IT’S PROBABLY STILL GOING TO SUCK TOMORROW.

MAY ALL YOUR TROUBLES LAST AS LONG

AS YOUR NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS.

I WANT TO GET SO DRUNK THAT IF

VAMPIRES BIT MY NECK THEY'D GET A BLOODY MARY.

I WANNA KISS YOU ON DECEMBER 31ST

FROM 11:59 PM TO 12:01 AM,

SO I CAN HAVE AN AMAZING ENDING

TO 2014 AND A BEAUTIFUL BEGINNING INTO 2014.

MANY THINGS CAN BE PRESERVED IN

ALCOHOL THIS NEW YEARS EVE.

DIGNITY IS NOT ONE OF THEM.

EVERY YEAR I MAKE A RESOLUTION TO CHANGE MYSELF.......

THIS YEAR MAKEING A RESOLUTION TO BE MYSELF!

JUST HEARD THAT IN 2015 THERE WILL BE A

NEW DEVICE THAT CAN TURN THOUGHTS INTO SPEECH.

I HAVE HAD THAT FOR YEARS,

IT’S CALLED ALCOHOL.

NEW YEAR'S IS JUST A HOLIDAY CREATED BY

CALENDAR COMPANIES WHO DON'T WANT

YOU REUSING LAST YEAR'S CALENDAR.

I'M ACTUALLY FEELING PRETTY OKAY ABOUT

NOT ACCOMPLISHING ANYTHING THIS YEAR.

MY 2015 RESOLUTION IS FOR EVERYONE

ELSE TO GAIN THE 50 POUNDS I REFUSE TO LOSE.

THERE HAVE BEEN MANY TIMES IN 2014,

WHEN I HAVE ANNOYED YOU, DISTUBED YOU,

IRRITATED YOU, AND BUGGED THE HELL OUT OF YOU....

TODAY I JUST WANNA TELL YOU I PLAN

TO CONTINUE IN 2015!