A Few Silly Jokes

A duck walks into bar, 

Duck: got any bread?

Bartender: no

Duck: got any bread? 

Bartender: no...

Duck: got any bread?

Bartender: NO 

Duck: got any bread?

Bartender: NOOOOO!!!!!

Duck: got any bread?

Bartender: If you ask that one more time I'm going to nail your bill to the counter.

Duck: got any nails?

Bartender: NO

Duck: got any bread?

Two fonts walk into a bar. The barman says to them, "Get out. We don't serve your type in here

I've just called the tinnitus helpline.It just kept ringing

A man goes into a restaurant and is seated. All the waitresses are gorgeous. A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a very short skirt comes to his table and asks, "What would you like, sir?"

He looks at the menu and then scans her beautiful frame top to bottom, then answers, "A quickie."

The waitress turns and walks away in disgust. After she regains her composure she returns and asks again, "What would you like, sir?" Again the man thoroughly checks her out and again answers, "A quickie, please."

This time her anger takes over, she reaches over and slaps him across the face with a resounding "SMACK!" and storms away.

A man sitting at the next table leans over and whispers, "Um, Pal, I think it's pronounced 'quiche'."

English Teacher: In English," she said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."

A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah . . .right."

Ya heard about the girl who kissed her canary and caught chirpes? Her doctor told her it was untweetable