DO NOT MESS WITH THE ELDERLY

DORIS MASON, A LITTLE OLD LADY

LIVING IN CHELTENHAM,

ANSWERED A KNOCK ON THE DOOR ONE DAY,

TO BE CONFRONTED BY A WELL-DRESSED

YOUNG MAN CARRYING A VACUUM CLEANER.

“GOOD MORNING, MA'AM,”

SAID THE YOUNG MAN.

“IF I COULD TAKE A COUPLE MINUTES OF YOUR TIME,

I WOULD LIKE TO DEMONSTRATE THE

VERY LATEST IN VACUUM CLEANERS.”

“GO AWAY!” SAID DORIS BRUSQUELY.

“I'M BROKE AND HAVEN'T GOT ANY MONEY FOR

NEW FANGLED CONTRAPTIONS,”

AND SHE PROCEEDED TO CLOSE THE DOOR.

QUICK AS A FLASH, THE YOUNG MAN WEDGED

HIS FOOT IN THE DOOR AND PUSHED IT

WIDE OPEN. “DON'T BE TOO HASTY,”

HE COMMANDED. “NOT UNTIL YOU HAVE AT

LEAST SEEN MY DEMONSTRATION.”

AND WITH THAT, HE EMPTIED A BUCKET OF

HORSE MANURE ONTO HER DINING ROOM CARPET.

“NOW, IF THIS VACUUM CLEANER DOES

NOT REMOVE ALL TRACES OF THIS HORSE

MANURE FROM YOUR CARPET,

MADAM, I WILL PERSONALLY EAT THE REMAINDER.”

DORIS STEPPED BACK AND SAID WITH A SMILE,

“WELL LET ME GET YOU A SPOON,

YOUNG MAN BECAUSE SOUTHERN ELECTRIC

CUT OFF MY POWER THIS MORNING.”