URINALYSIS
Added on: 29th Jun 2015
One day, in line at the company cafeteria,
Jack says to Mike behind him,
"My elbow hurts like hell.
I guess I better see a doctor."
"Listen, you don't have to spend
that kind of money," Mike replies.
"There's a diagnostic computer at the
drugstore at the corner.
Just give it a urine sample and the
Computer will tell you what's wrong and
what to do about it.
It takes ten seconds and costs
ten dollars...a hell of a lot cheaper than a doctor."
So Jack deposits a urine sample in a small
jar and takes it to the drugstore.
He deposits ten dollars and the
computer lights up and asks for
the urine sample.
He pours the sample into the slot and waits.
Ten seconds later,
the computer ejects a printout:
You have tennis elbow.
Soak your arm in warm water and
avoid heavy activity.
It will improve in two weeks.
That evening while thinking how amazing
this new technology was,
Jack began wondering if the
computer could be fooled.
He mixed some tap water,
a stool sample from his dog,
urine samples from his wife and daughter
and masturbated into the mixture for good measure.
Jack hurries back to the drugstore,
eager to check the results.
He deposits ten dollars,
pours in his concoction and awaits the results.
The computer prints the following:
1. Your tap water is too hard.
Get a water softener.
2. Your dog has ringworm.
Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit.
Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant...twin girls.
They aren't yours.
Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself,
your elbow will never get better.
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