FACEBOOKS TOP FIFTY FUNNIEST JOKES (40-30)
Added on: 12th Sep 2015
40. I said to this train driver
''I want to go to Paris".
He said ''Eurostar?'' I said,
''I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin''.
39. My phone will ring at 2 in the morning,
and my wife will look at me and go,
''Who's that calling at this time?'
''I don't know! If I knew that we
wouldn't need the bloody phone!''
38. A lorry-load of tortoises crashed
into a trainload of terrapins,
What a turtle disaster.
37. I swear, the other day I bought
a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said
''may contain nuts.'' Well, YES!
That's what I bought them for!
You'd be annoyed if you opened it
and a socket set fell out!''
36. I backed a horse last week at ten to one.
It came in at quarter past four.
35. I went down the local supermarket,
I said, ''I want to make a complaint,
this vinegar's got lumps in it'',
he said,
"Those are pickled onions''.
34. There was a man who entered a
local paper's pun contest..
He sent in ten different puns,
in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
33. I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov
(world chess champion) on the table there
was a check tablecloth.
It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
32. Four fonts walk into a bar
the barman says
''Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here''
31. So I went to the Chinese restaurant and
this duck came up to me with a red rose and says
''Your eyes sparkle like diamonds''.
I said, ''Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck''.
30. I'm in great mood tonight because the
other day I entered a competition and I won a
years supply of Marmite......... one jar.
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