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FACEBOOKS TOP FIFTY FUNNIEST JOKES (9-1)

Added on: 15th Sep 2015

 

9. I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.   

 

8.  Another one was: 

Doc, I can't stop singing the

'Green, Green Grass of Home'.

He said:

'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'.

'Is it common?' I asked. 

'It's not unusual' he replied. 

 

 7.  Two aerials meet on a roof,

fall in love and get married. 

The ceremony was rubbish

but the reception was brilliant.  

 

6.  Police arrested two kids yesterday,

one was drinking battery acid,

the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one and

    let the other one off. 

 

 5.  A classic Tommy Cooper gag

''I said to the Gym instructor

"Can you teach me to do the splits?''

He said,

''How flexible are you?''

I said,

''I can't make Tuesdays''.

 

4.  A young blonde woman is distraught

because she fears her husband

is having an affair,

so she goes to a gun shop

and buys a handgun.

The next day she comes home

to find her husband in bed

with a beautiful redhead.

She grabs the gun and

holds it to her own head.

The husband jumps out of bed,

begging and pleading with her

not to shoot herself.

Hysterically the blonde

responds to the husband,

''Shut up...you're next!''

 

3.  ''Dyslexic man walks into a bra''

 

2.  ''I went to the zoo the other day,

there was only one dog in it,

it was a Shitzu.''

 

And now for the one that was voted

the funniest gag ever told. 

 

1.      A woman gets on a bus with her baby.

The bus driver says:

''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!''

The woman walks to the rear of the bus

and sits down, fuming.

She says to a man next to her:

''The driver just insulted me!''

The man says:

''You go up there and tell him off.

Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.''

 


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