AMERICA V RUSSIA

THE AMERICANS AND RUSSIANS,

AT THE HEIGHT OF THE ARMS RACE,

REALIZED THAT IF THEY CONTINUED IN

THE USUAL MANNER THEY WERE GOING

TO BLOW UP THE WHOLE WORLD.

ONE DAY THEY SAT DOWN AND DECIDED

TO SETTLE THE WHOLE DISPUTE

WITH ONE DOG FIGHT.

THEY'D HAVE FIVE YEARS TO BREED

THE BEST FIGHTING DOG IN THE WORLD

AND WHICHEVER SIDE'S DOG WON WOULD

BE ENTITLED TO DOMINATE THE WORLD.

THE LOSING SIDE WOULD HAVE

TO LAY DOWN ITS ARMS.

THE RUSSIANS FOUND THE BIGGEST,

MEANEST DOBERMAN AND ROTTWEILER

IN THE WORLD AND BRED THEM WITH

THE BIGGEST MEANEST SIBERIAN WOLVES.

THEY SELECTED ONLY THE BIGGEST AND

STRONGEST PUPPY FROM EACH LITTER,

KILLED HIS SIBLINGS,

AND GAVE HIM ALL THE MILK.

THEY USED STEROIDS AND TRAINERS

AND AFTER FIVE YEARS CAME UP WITH

THE BIGGEST MEANEST DOG THE

WORLD HAD EVER SEEN.

ITS CAGE NEEDED STEEL BARS THAT

WERE THREE INCHES THICK AND

NOBODY COULD GET NEAR IT.

WHEN THE DAY CAME FOR THE FIGHT,

THE AMERICANS SHOWED UP WITH

A STRANGE ANIMAL.

IT WAS A NINE-FOOT LONG DACHSHUND.

EVERYONE FELT SORRY FOR THE AMERICANS

BECAUSE THEY KNEW THERE WAS NO WAY

THAT THIS DOG COULD POSSIBLY LAST

TEN SECONDS WITH THE RUSSIAN DOG.

WHEN THE CAGES WERE OPENED UP,

THE DACHSHUND CAME OUT AND WRAPPED

ITSELF AROUND THE OUTSIDE OF THE RING.

IT HAD THE RUSSIAN DOG ALMOST

COMPLETELY SURROUNDED.

WHEN THE RUSSIAN DOG LEANED OVER

TO BITE THE DACHSHUND'S NECK,

THE DACHSHUND REACHED OUT AND

CONSUMED THE RUSSIAN DOG IN ONE BITE.

THERE WAS NOTHING LEFT AT

ALL OF THE RUSSIAN DOG.

T

THE RUSSIANS CAME UP TO THE AMERICANS,

SHAKING THEIR HEADS IN DISBELIEF.

`WE DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW THIS

COULD HAVE HAPPENED.

WE HAD OUR BEST PEOPLE WORKING

FOR FIVE YEARS WITH THE MEANEST DOBERMAN

AND ROTTWEILER IN THE WORLD AND

THE BIGGEST, MEANEST SIBERIAN WOLVES."

"THAT'S NOTHING,"

AN AMERICAN REPLIED.

"WE HAD OUR BEST PLASTIC SURGEONS

WORKING FOR FIVE YEARS TO MAKE

AN ALLIGATOR LOOK LIKE A DACHSHUND."