BEER AND ICE CREAM DIET

JUSTIFICATION FOR BEER AND ICE CREAM!

BUT STAY AWAY FROM THE PIZZA!

AS WE ALL KNOW, IT TAKES 1 CALORIE TO

HEAT 1 GRAM OF WATER 1 DEGREE CENTIGRADE.

TRANSLATED INTO MEANINGFUL TERMS,

THIS MEANS THAT IF YOU EAT A VERY COLD DESSERT

(GENERALLY CONSISTING OF WATER IN LARGE PART),

THE NATURAL PROCESSES WHICH RAISE THE

CONSUMED DESSERT TO BODY TEMPERATURE

DURING THE DIGESTIVE CYCLE LITERALLY SUCKS

THE CALORIES OUT OF THE ONLY AVAILABLE SOURCE,

YOUR BODY FAT.

FOR EXAMPLE, A DESSERT SERVED AND

EATEN AT NEAR 0 DEGREES C (32.2 DEG. F)

WILL IN A SHORT TIME BE RAISED TO THE NORMAL

BODY TEMPERATURE OF 37 DEGREES C (98.6 DEG. F). 

FOR EACH GRAM OF DESSERT EATEN,

THAT PROCESS TAKES APPROXIMATELY 37 CALORIES

AS STATED ABOVE. 

THE AVERAGE DESSERT PORTION IS 6 OZ, OR 168 GRAMS. 

THEREFORE, BY OPERATION OF THERMODYNAMICLAW,

6,216 CALORIES (1 CAL./GM/DEG. X 37 DEG. X 168 GMS)

ARE EXTRACTED FROM BODY FAT AS THE

DESSERT'S TEMPERATURE IS NORMALIZED.

ALLOWING FOR THE 1,200 LATENT CALORIES IN

THE DESSERT, THE NET CALORIE LOSS IS

APPROXIMATELY 5,000 CALORIES.

OBVIOUSLY, THE MORE COLD DESSERT YOU EAT,

THE BETTER OFF YOU ARE AND THE FASTER

YOU WILL LOSE WEIGHT,

IF THAT IS YOUR GOAL.

THIS PROCESS WORKS EQUALLY WELL

WHEN DRINKING VERY COLD BEER IN FROSTED GLASSES. 

EACH OUNCE OF BEER CONTAINS 16 LATENT CALORIES,

BUT EXTRACTS 1,036 CALORIES (6,216 CAL.

PER 6 OZ. PORTION) IN THE TEMPERATURE

NORMALIZING PROCESS. 

THUS THE NET CALORIE LOSS PER OUNCE OF

BEER IS 1,020 CALORIES. 

IT DOESN'T TAKE A ROCKET SCIENTIST TO

CALCULATE THAT 12,240 CALORIES (12 OZ. X 1,020 CAL./OZ.)

ARE EXTRACTED FROM THE BODY IN THE

PROCESS OF DRINKING A CAN OF BEER.

FROZEN DESSERTS, E.G., ICE CREAM,

ARE EVEN MORE BENEFICIAL,

SINCE IT TAKES 83 CAL./GM TO MELT THEM

(I.E., RAISE THEM TO 0 DEG. C) AND AN

ADDITIONAL 37 CAL./GM TO FURTHER RAISE THEM

TO BODY TEMPERATURE.

THE RESULTS HERE ARE REALLY REMARKABLE,

AND IT BEATS RUNNING HANDS DOWN.

UNFORTUNATELY, FOR THOSE WHO EAT

PIZZA AS AN EXCUSE TO DRINK BEER,

PIZZA (LOADED WITH LATENT CALORIES AND

SERVED ABOVE BODY TEMPERATURE)

INDUCES AN OPPOSITE EFFECT. 

BUT, THANKFULLY, AS THE ASTUTE READER

SHOULD HAVE ALREADY REASONED,

THE OBVIOUS SOLUTION IS TO DRINK A LOT

OF BEER WITH PIZZA AND FOLLOW UP

IMMEDIATELY WITH LARGE BOWLS OF ICE CREAM.

WE COULD ALL BE THIN IF WE WERE TO ADHERE

RELIGIOUSLY TO A PIZZA, BEER, AND ICE CREAM DIET.

HAPPY EATING!