THE FARMER AND THE OLD LADY

A FARMER GOES TO A LIVESTOCK DEALER

AND BUYS AN ANVIL, A BUCKET,

TWO CHICKENS, AND A GOOSE.

THE FARMER LOOKS AT HIS PURCHASES

AND SAYS, "DAMN, I WALKED HERE.

HOW AM I GONNA CARRY ALL THIS HOME?

THE LIVESTOCK DEALER SAID,

"WHY DON'T YOU PUT THE ANVIL IN THE BUCKET,

CARRY THE BUCKET IN ONE HAND,

PUT A CHICKEN UNDER EACH ARM AND

CARRY THE GOOSE IN YOUR OTHER HAND?"

"HEY, THANKS!" THE FARMER SAID

AND OFF HE WENT.

WHILE WALKING HOME HE MET A LITTLE

OLD LADY WHO TOLD HIM SHE WAS LOST.

SHE ASKED,

"CAN YOU TELL ME HOW TO GET

TO 1515 MOCKINGBIRD LANE?" 

THE FARMER SAID,

"WELL, AS A MATTER OF FACT,

I LIVE JUST DOWN THE ROAD FROM THERE.

LET'S TAKE MY SHORT CUT AND

GO DOWN THIS ALLEY.

WE'LL BE THERE IN NO TIME."

THE LITTLE OLD LADY SAID,

"I AM A LONELY WIDOW WITHOUT A

HUSBAND TO DEFEND ME.

HOW DO I KNOW THAT WHEN WE GET IN

THE ALLEY YOU WON'T HOLD ME UP

AGAINST THE WALL, PULL UP MY SKIRT,

AND RAVISH ME?"

THE FARMER SAID,

"HOLY SMOKES LADY! I AM CARRYING A BUCKET,

AN ANVIL, TWO CHICKENS, AND A GOOSE.

HOW IN THE WORLD COULD I POSSIBLY

HOLD YOU UP AGAINST THE WALL AND DO THAT?"

SHE REPLIED,

"SET THE GOOSE DOWN,

COVER HIM WITH THE BUCKET,

PUT THE ANVIL ON TOP OF THE BUCKET

AND I'LL HOLD THE CHICKENS."