TUXEDO

AN ECCENTRIC LADY WAS IN NEED OF

A PIANO PLAYER FOR HER UPCOMING PARTY.

SHE PLACED ADS AND SPREAD THE WORD

BUT COULD NOT FIND A SUITABLE ONE.

A BUM KNOCKED ON HER DOOR AND

WHEN SHE SAW THE STATE OF HIS CONDITION,

SHE ANSWERED,

"GO AWAY."

HE SAID,

"PLEASE, WON'T YOU JUST GIVE ME A CHANCE,

I'M A PIANO PLAYER."

SHE WAS DESPERATE SO SHE LET HIM IN.

AFTER HIS PERFORMANCE,

SHE COULDN'T BELIEVE HER EARS.

"WOW! THAT SOUNDED GREAT,

BEST I'VE HEARD IN YEARS.

WHAT WAS THE NAME OF THAT SONG?"

THE BUM ANSWERED,

"OH, IT'S 'I LOVE ME WIFE SO MUCH

I TOOK A BIG DUMP'."

"OH" SHE SAYS, "HOW UNUSUAL,

WOULD YOU PLAY ANOTHER?"

HE PROCEEDED TO PLAY ANOTHER TUNE

AND AGAIN SHE WAS ASTOUNDED

BY THE PERFORMANCE.

"THAT WAS FANTASTIC" SHE SAID,

"WHAT WAS THE NAME OF THAT TUNE?"

"THAT ONE IS CALLED 'I TOOK MY WIFE

FROM BEHIND AND MADE A MESS

ALL OVER THAT CARPET'."

"HOW UNUSUAL"

SHE REPLIED AND SAID,

"YOU'VE GOT THE JOB,

BUT PLEASE DO ME A FAVOUR AND IF

ANYONE ASKS THE NAMES OF YOUR SONGS,

PLEASE DON'T TELL THEM.

AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR CLOTHES;

YOU LOOK TERRIBLE.

GO AND BUY A TUX FOR THE PARTY."

THE BUM WAS HAPPY ABOUT HIS NEW JOB

AND HAD NEVER BOUGHT A TUX BEFORE

AND WOUND UP GETTING ONE THAT

WAS THREE SIZES TOO SMALL.

AT THE BIG PARTY,

THE CROWD WAS AMAZED AT HIS

PERFORMANCE ONCE AGAIN.

HE BOWED AT THE CROWD BACK AND

FORTH AND RIPPED OUT THE WHOLE

REAR END OF HIS TROUSERS.

ONE LADY STEPPED FORWARD

CLAPPING AND SAID,

"SIR, YOU ARE A GREAT PIANO PLAYER

BUT DO YOU KNOW YOU HAVE A HAIRY ASS

AND YOUR BALLS ARE HANGING OUT?"

WITH A SMILE, THE BUM REPLIED,

"LADY, KNOW IT? I WROTE IT!"