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FRED AND BILL

Added on: 15th May 2016

 

TWO BUILDERS, FRED AND BILL,

ARE SEATED EITHER SIDE

OF A TABLE IN A ROUGH PUB

WHEN A WELL-DRESSED MAN ENTERS,

ORDERS A BEER AND

SITS ON A STOOL AT THE BAR.

THE TWO BUILDERS START TO

SPECULATE ABOUT THE

OCCUPATION OF THE 'SUIT'.

FRED: "I RECKON HE'S AN ACCOUNTANT."

BILL: "NO WAY! HE'S A STOCKBROKER."

FRED: "HE'S NO STOCKBROKER!

A STOCKBROKER WOULDN'T COME IN HERE!"

THE ARGUMENT REPEATS ITSELF

FOR SOME TIME UNTIL THE

VOLUME OF BEER GETS THE

BETTER OF FRED AND HE MAKES

FOR THE TOILET.

 

ON ENTERING THE TOILET HE

SEES THAT THE 'SUIT' IS

STANDING AT A URINAL.
CURIOSITY AND SEVERAL

JUGS GET THE BETTER

OF THE BUILDER...

FRED: "SCUSE ME...NO OFFENCE MEANT,

BUT ME AND ME MATE WERE

WONDERING WHAT YOU

DO FOR A LIVING?"

SUIT: "NO OFFENCE TAKEN!

I'M A LOGICAL SCIENTIST

BY PROFESSION" 

FRED: "OH! WHAT'S THAT THEN?"

SUIT: "I'LL TRY TO EXPLAIN BY EXAMPLE....

DO YOU HAVE A GOLDFISH AT HOME?"

FRED: "ER...MMM...WELL YEAH,

I DO AS IT HAPPENS!" 

SUIT: "WELL, IT'S LOGICAL TO FOLLOW

THAT YOU KEEP IT IN A BOWL

OR IN A POND. WHICH IS IT?"

FRED: "IT'S IN A POND."

SUIT: "WELL,

THEN IT'S REASONABLE TO SUPPOSE

THAT YOU HAVE A LARGE GARDEN."

FRED: "AS IT HAPPENS,

YES I HAVE GOT A BIG GARDEN." 

SUIT: "WELL THEN IT'S LOGICAL TO

ASSUME THAT IN THIS TOWN

THAT IF YOU HAVE A LARGE GARDEN

THAT YOU HAVE A LARGE HOUSE."

FRED: "AS IT HAPPENS I'VE GOT

A FIVE BEDROOM HOUSE...

BUILT IT MYSELF."

SUIT: "WELL, GIVEN THAT YOU'VE

BUILT A FIVE BEDROOM HOUSE

IT IS LOGICAL TO ASSUME

THAT YOU HAVEN'T BUILT IT

JUST FOR YOURSELF AND THAT

YOU ARE QUITE PROBABLY MARRIED."

FRED: "YES, I AM MARRIED,

I LIVE WITH MY WIFE AND

THREE CHILDREN!"

SUIT: "WELL THEN IT IS LOGICAL TO

ASSUME THAT YOU ARE SEXUALLY

ACTIVE WITH YOUR WIFE."

FRED: "YEP! FOUR NIGHTS A WEEK!"

SUIT: "WELL THEN IT IS LOGICAL TO

SUGGEST THAT YOU DO NOT

MASTURBATE VERY OFTEN."

FRED: "ME? NEVER!"

SUIT: "WELL THERE YOU ARE,

THAT'S LOGICAL SCIENCE AT WORK!"

FRED: "HOW'S THAT THEN?"

SUIT: "WELL FROM FINDING OUT

THAT YOU HAD A GOLDFISH,

I'VE TOLD YOU ABOUT

THE SIZE OF GARDEN YOU HAVE,

THE SIZE OF HOUSE,

YOUR FAMILY AND

ABOUT YOUR SEX LIFE!"

FRED: "I SEE.

THAT'S PRETTY IMPRESSIVE...

THANKS MATE!"

THEY BOTH LEAVE THE TOILET

AND FRED RETURNS TO HIS MATE.

BILL: "I SEE THE SUIT WAS IN THERE,

DID YOU ASK HIM WHAT HE DID?

FRED: "YEP! HE'S A LOGICAL SCIENTIST!"

BILL: "WHAT'S THAT THEN?"

FRED: "I'LL TRY TO EXPLAIN.

DO YOU HAVE A GOLDFISH?"

BILL: "NOPE"

FRED: "WELL THEN,

YOU'RE A WANKER........" 

 

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