FRED AND BILL
Added on: 15th May 2016
TWO BUILDERS, FRED AND BILL,
ARE SEATED EITHER SIDE
OF A TABLE IN A ROUGH PUB
WHEN A WELL-DRESSED MAN ENTERS,
ORDERS A BEER AND
SITS ON A STOOL AT THE BAR.
THE TWO BUILDERS START TO
SPECULATE ABOUT THE
OCCUPATION OF THE 'SUIT'.
FRED: "I RECKON HE'S AN ACCOUNTANT."
BILL: "NO WAY! HE'S A STOCKBROKER."
FRED: "HE'S NO STOCKBROKER!
A STOCKBROKER WOULDN'T COME IN HERE!"
THE ARGUMENT REPEATS ITSELF
FOR SOME TIME UNTIL THE
VOLUME OF BEER GETS THE
BETTER OF FRED AND HE MAKES
FOR THE TOILET.
ON ENTERING THE TOILET HE
SEES THAT THE 'SUIT' IS
STANDING AT A URINAL.
CURIOSITY AND SEVERAL
JUGS GET THE BETTER
OF THE BUILDER...
FRED: "SCUSE ME...NO OFFENCE MEANT,
BUT ME AND ME MATE WERE
WONDERING WHAT YOU
DO FOR A LIVING?"
SUIT: "NO OFFENCE TAKEN!
I'M A LOGICAL SCIENTIST
BY PROFESSION"
FRED: "OH! WHAT'S THAT THEN?"
SUIT: "I'LL TRY TO EXPLAIN BY EXAMPLE....
DO YOU HAVE A GOLDFISH AT HOME?"
FRED: "ER...MMM...WELL YEAH,
I DO AS IT HAPPENS!"
SUIT: "WELL, IT'S LOGICAL TO FOLLOW
THAT YOU KEEP IT IN A BOWL
OR IN A POND. WHICH IS IT?"
FRED: "IT'S IN A POND."
SUIT: "WELL,
THEN IT'S REASONABLE TO SUPPOSE
THAT YOU HAVE A LARGE GARDEN."
FRED: "AS IT HAPPENS,
YES I HAVE GOT A BIG GARDEN."
SUIT: "WELL THEN IT'S LOGICAL TO
ASSUME THAT IN THIS TOWN
THAT IF YOU HAVE A LARGE GARDEN
THAT YOU HAVE A LARGE HOUSE."
FRED: "AS IT HAPPENS I'VE GOT
A FIVE BEDROOM HOUSE...
BUILT IT MYSELF."
SUIT: "WELL, GIVEN THAT YOU'VE
BUILT A FIVE BEDROOM HOUSE
IT IS LOGICAL TO ASSUME
THAT YOU HAVEN'T BUILT IT
JUST FOR YOURSELF AND THAT
YOU ARE QUITE PROBABLY MARRIED."
FRED: "YES, I AM MARRIED,
I LIVE WITH MY WIFE AND
THREE CHILDREN!"
SUIT: "WELL THEN IT IS LOGICAL TO
ASSUME THAT YOU ARE SEXUALLY
ACTIVE WITH YOUR WIFE."
FRED: "YEP! FOUR NIGHTS A WEEK!"
SUIT: "WELL THEN IT IS LOGICAL TO
SUGGEST THAT YOU DO NOT
MASTURBATE VERY OFTEN."
FRED: "ME? NEVER!"
SUIT: "WELL THERE YOU ARE,
THAT'S LOGICAL SCIENCE AT WORK!"
FRED: "HOW'S THAT THEN?"
SUIT: "WELL FROM FINDING OUT
THAT YOU HAD A GOLDFISH,
I'VE TOLD YOU ABOUT
THE SIZE OF GARDEN YOU HAVE,
THE SIZE OF HOUSE,
YOUR FAMILY AND
ABOUT YOUR SEX LIFE!"
FRED: "I SEE.
THAT'S PRETTY IMPRESSIVE...
THANKS MATE!"
THEY BOTH LEAVE THE TOILET
AND FRED RETURNS TO HIS MATE.
BILL: "I SEE THE SUIT WAS IN THERE,
DID YOU ASK HIM WHAT HE DID?
FRED: "YEP! HE'S A LOGICAL SCIENTIST!"
BILL: "WHAT'S THAT THEN?"
FRED: "I'LL TRY TO EXPLAIN.
DO YOU HAVE A GOLDFISH?"
BILL: "NOPE"
FRED: "WELL THEN,
YOU'RE A WANKER........"
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