STORE SIGNS

SIGN IN A SHOE REPAIR STORE:
WE WILL HEEL YOU
WE WILL SAVE YOUR SOLE
WE WILL EVEN DYE FOR YOU.

SIGN OVER A GYNECOLOGIST'S OFFICE:

"DR. JONES, AT YOUR CERVIX."

IN A PODIATRIST'S OFFICE:

"TIME WOUNDS ALL HEELS."

ON A SEPTIC TANK TRUCK:

YESTERDAY'S MEALS ON WHEELS

AT AN OPTOMETRIST'S OFFICE:

"IF YOU DON'T SEE WHAT YOU'RE

LOOKING FOR, YOU'VE COME

TO THE RIGHT PLACE."

ON A PLUMBER'S TRUCK:

"WE REPAIR WHAT YOUR

HUSBAND FIXED."

ON ANOTHER PLUMBER'S TRUCK:
"DON'T SLEEP WITH A DRIP.

CALL YOUR PLUMBER."

AT A TYRE SHOP IN MILWAUKEE :
"INVITE US TO YOUR NEXT BLOWOUT."

ON AN ELECTRICIAN'S TRUCK:
"LET US REMOVE YOUR SHORTS."

IN A NON-SMOKING AREA:
"IF WE SEE SMOKE, WE WILL ASSUME

YOU ARE ON FIRE AND WILL

TAKE APPROPRIATE ACTION."

ON A MATERNITY ROOM DOOR:
"PUSH. PUSH. PUSH."

AT A CAR DEALERSHIP:
"THE BEST WAY TO GET BACK

ON YOUR FEET

MISS A CAR PAYMENT."

OUTSIDE A MUFFLER SHOP:
"NO APPOINTMENT NECESSARY.

WE HEAR YOU COMING."

IN A VETERINARIAN'S WAITING ROOM:
"BE BACK IN 5 MINUTES. SIT! STAY!"

AT THE ELECTRIC COMPANY:
"WE WOULD BE DELIGHTED IF YOU

SEND IN YOUR PAYMENT ON TIME.
HOWEVER, IF YOU DON'T,

YOU WILL BE DE-LIGHTED."

IN A RESTAURANT WINDOW:
"DON'T STAND THERE AND BE HUNGRY;

COME ON IN AND GET FED UP."

IN THE FRONT YARD OF A FUNERAL HOME:
"DRIVE CAREFULLY. WE'LL WAIT."

AT A PROPANE FILLING STATION:
"THANK HEAVEN FOR LITTLE GRILLS."

IN A CHICAGO RADIATOR SHOP:
"BEST PLACE IN TOWN TO TAKE A LEAK."

AND THE BEST ONE FOR LAST:
SIGN ON THE BACK OF ANOTHER

SEPTIC TANK TRUCK:
"CAUTION - THIS TRUCK IS FULL

OF POLITICAL PROMISES"