ALCOHOL WARNINGS
Added on: 30th Sep 2016
DUE TO INCREASING PRODUCT
LIABILITY LITIGATION,
BEER MANUFACTURERS HAVE
ACCEPTED THE FDA'S
SUGGESTION THAT THE FOLLOWING
WARNING LABELS BE PLACED
IMMEDIATELY ON ALL BEER CONTAINERS:
WARNING: CONSUMPTION OF
AY MAKE YOU THINK YOU ARE
WHISPERING WHEN YOU ARE NOT.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION OF ALCOHOL
IS A MAJOR FACTOR IN
DANCING LIKE A FOOL.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION OF ALCOHOL
MAY CAUSE YOU TO TELL THE
SAME BORING STORY OVER AND
OVER AGAIN UNTIL YOUR FRIENDS
WANT TO SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION OF ALCOHOL
MAY CAUSE YOU TO
THAY SHINGS LIKE THISH.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION OF ALCOHOL
MAY LEAD YOU TO BELIEVE THAT
EX-LOVERS ARE REALLY DYING
FOR YOU TO TELEPHONE THEM
AT FOUR IN THE MORNING.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION OF ALCOHOL
MAY LEAVE YOU WONDERING
WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED
TO YOUR PANTS.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION OF ALCOHOL
MAY MAKE YOU THINK YOU CAN
LOGICALLY CONVERSE WITH OTHER
MEMBERS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX
WITHOUT SPITTING.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION OF ALCOHOL
MAY MAKE YOU THINK YOU HAVE
MYSTICAL KUNG FU POWERS.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION OF ALCOHOL
MAY CAUSE YOU TO ROLL OVER
IN THE MORNING AND SEE
SOMETHING REALLY SCARY
(WHOSE SPECIES AND OR
NAME YOU CAN'T REMEMBER).
WARNING: CONSUMPTION OF ALCOHOL
IS THE LEADING CAUSE OF
INEXPLICABLE RUG BURNS
ON THE FOREHEAD.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION OF ALCOHOL
MAY CREATE THE ILLUSION THAT
YOU ARE TOUGHER, SMARTER
AND MORE HANDSOME
THAN SOME REALLY, REALLY
BIG GUY NAMED FRANZ.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION OF ALCOHOL
MAY LEAD YOU TO BELIEVE
YOU ARE INVISIBLE.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION OF ALCOHOL
MAY LEAD YOU TO THINK
PEOPLE ARE LAUGHING WITH YOU.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION OF ALCOHOL
MAY CAUSE AN INFLUX IN
THE TIME-SPACE CONTINUUM,
WHEREBY SMALL
(AND SOMETIMES LARGE)
GAPS OF TIME MAY SEEM
TO LITERALLY DISAPPEAR.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION OF ALCOHOL
MAY ACTUALLY CAUSE PREGNANCY.
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