RIDICULOUSLY FUNNY AMAZON PRODUCT REVIEWS
Added on: 24th Oct 2016
ELEPHANT CAMOUFLAGE KIT
Reviewed by: Helen
“This stuff is brilliant. I too have made my herd of elephants
invisible to the human eye. I’m sure you know what’s coming next.
I have no flipping clue where my elephants are. Only by
carefully inspecting the butter dish can I tell when they have
been in the fridge. For all I know they have left the country
or are carrying out a series of bank robberies.
Keep ’em peeled, folks. So 5 stars for effectiveness but
only 1 for utility. I can’t for the life of me even remember
why I wanted to paint my pachyderms in the first place.”
Reviewed by: Mister Quickly
“This product advertises itself as “low-in-fat, high-in-taste.”
This is marvellous because I am on a diet. A good majority of
us lack the digestive enzymes necessary to process wood.
Although, my colleague Gareth Mitchell Headgraves is a rarity.
I admit I become anxious when I leave himself alone in a room
with a good piece of teak. In any case, despite a few
misguided efforts, I cannot digest wood and will reaffirm
that for most of us this product is low in fat.”
Reviewed by: A. Christian-Richardson
“I have no idea about what this thing is supposed to do
but it’s a wonderful surrogate for my dead hedgehog.
RIP Mr. Prickles.”
LAPAROSCOPIC GASTRIC BYPASS
Reviewed by: Kristen B
“So finally a weight loss product that I can use, and has results!
I have so far used 2 of the kits and the first time was really
messy and I almost died. I passed out after the 2nd incision
to plant the bypass and passed out. I bled out all over and luckily
my yellow lab ran outside after walking in my blood, my
neighbours got concerned and called 911. I was saved after
loosing a large amount of blood.. My dog saved my life!
The second operation I was drunk and was able to perform
with little to no side effects other than a nasty scar and an
infection that took about 1 month to heal, but all is good and I
am skinny now! .. I am so happy I got this kit as who needs
exercise and eating right! I can eat all I want and every 6 months
there is truly a quick fix to weight loss!”
REGULATORY COST RECOVERY FEE
Reviewed by: Nathaniel Granatir
“All I can say is: WOW! I’ve had regulatory cost recovery fees
before, and this one blows them all away! As usual I was a
bit sceptical at first, but after paying the regulatory cost
recovery fee for a couple months I was hooked! I’ll _never_ go
back to my old regulatory cost recovery fees!! Now some of
you may not be convinced, and you may think the price is
a bit high, and it is – but you have to think about the value
you’re getting. I don’t know about you, but I’m willing
to pay a little bit more and get a more feature-rich and
reliable regulatory cost recovery fee. And frankly, I wouldn’t
want my money going to a fee that I wasn’t 100% sure would
recover my regulatory cost. So in conclusion, if you’re
looking for a great, albeit somewhat pricey regulatory cost
recovery fee, you can’t go wrong with this one!”
NICKEL FROM 2003
Reviewed by: Joshua D. Nathan
“A nickel for $4.55 seems a bit excessive, don’t you think?
Pretty sure I can get this for something like 9100% less elsewhere.
But I want to emphasize that this is a great product.
I own several nickels myself, and find that they
constantly come in handy.”
THREE WOLF MOON
Reviewed by: B. Govern
“This item has wolves on it which makes it intrinsically sweet
and worth 5 stars by itself, but once I tried it on, that’s when
the magic happened. After checking to ensure that the
shirt would properly cover my girth, I walked from my
trailer to Wal-mart with the shirt on and was immediately
approached by women. The women knew from the wolves
on my shirt that I, like a wolf, am a mysterious loner who
knows how to ‘howl at the moon’ from time to time
(if you catch my drift!). The women that approached me
wanted to know if I would be their boyfriend and/or give
them money for something they called mehth. I told them
no, because they didn’t have enough teeth and frankly a
man with a wolf-shirt shouldn’t settle for the first thing
that comes to him. I arrived at Wal-mart, mounted my
courtesy-scooter (walking is such a drag!) sitting side saddle
so that my wolves would show. While I was browsing tube
socks, I could hear aroused asthmatic breathing behind me.
I turned around to see a slightly sweaty dream in
sweatpants and flip-flops standing there. She told me she
liked the wolves on my shirt, I told her I wanted to howl at
her moon. She offered me a swig from her mountain dew and
I drove my scooter, with her shuffling alongside out the door
and into the rest of our lives. Thank you wolf shirt.”
JL421 BADONKADONK LAND CRUISER/TANK
Reviewed by: Thomas Dunham
“I’ll admit it. Shopping for a personal tank can be a bit daunting.
Many times in the past I’ve purchased overpriced, so-called
“battle tanks”, then driven them into battle only to be
wrecked in ten minutes by the first blow off of some
insurgents home-made morter. But not this baby, no way.
The only real negative with this tank is that it shows up on
radar a little more than I like (although there is a
polyresin graphite stealth model available). Also,
the included spare isn’t full size. Overall, a great tank.”