SOME OF TOMMY COOPER'S

1. Two blondes walk into a building ---

you'd think at least one of them would have seen it.

2. Phone answering machine message: 

'If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key.'

3. A guy sees the psychiatrist wearing only clingfilm for shorts.

The shrink says, 'Well, I can clearly see you're nuts.'

4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day ---

but I couldn't find any.

5. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli ---

a strong currant pulled him in.

6. A man recovered in hospital after a serious accident. 

He shouted, 'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!' 

The doctor replied, 'I know, I've cut off your hands'.

7. I went to a Seafood Disco last week,

and pulled a muscle.

8. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly so they lit a fire in the craft. 

It sank, proving once and for all

that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

9.  Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands.

Police say that he topped himself.

10 Man goes to the doctor with a strawberry growing out of his head. 

Doc says, 'I'll give you some cream to put on that.'