MOTHER'S DAY JOKES

I ASKED MY SCOUSE MATE WHY HE ONLY SPENT

THREE QUID ON HIS MUM FOR MOTHER'S DAY.

"THAT'S ALL SHE HAD IN HER PURSE," HE SAID.

I ASKED MY MUM WHAT SHE WANTED FOR MOTHER'S DAY.

SHE SAID, "ALL I WANT IS A BIT OF CARING AND LOOKING AFTER." 

SO I'VE PUT HER IN A NURSING HOME.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO ALL MY NEIGHBOURS ON THE ESTATE.

REMEMBER: IF YOU GO OUT FOR A MEAL, TAKE IT EASY ON THE WKD

AS YOU'VE GOT SCHOOL TOMORROW AND ITS NEARLY GCSE TIME.

MY WIFE MISUNDERSTANDS MOTHER'S DAY.

SHE IS NOT MY MOTHER AND IF OUR 2 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER

DOESN'T LOVE HER ENOUGH TO GO OUT AND BUY HER A

PRESENT IT'S NOT MY PROBLEM.

MY MATE JUST TEXTED ME BY ACCIDENT

WISHING ME A HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY.

FORTUNATELY, SHE STAYED OVER LAST NIGHT SO

I COULD PASS THE MESSAGE ON FOR HIM.

A FAMILY WAS HAVING DINNER ON MOTHER'S DAY.

FOR SOME REASON THE MOTHER WAS UNUSUALLY QUIET.

FINALLY THE HUSBAND ASKED WHAT WAS WRONG.

"NOTHING," SAID THE WOMAN.

NOT BUYING IT, HE ASKED AGAIN.

"SERIOUSLY, WHAT'S WRONG?"

"DO YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW?

WELL, I'LL TELL YOU.

I HAVE COOKED AND CLEANED AND

FED THE KIDS FOR 15 YEARS

AND ON MOTHER'S DAY,

YOU DON'T EVEN TELL ME SO MUCH AS

"THANK YOU."

"WHY SHOULD I?" HE SAID.

"NOT ONCE IN 15 YEARS HAVE I HAD A FATHER'S DAY GIFT."

"YES," SHE SAID,

"BUT I'M THEIR REAL MOTHER."