PUMPKIN PUMPER PUMPED FOR INFO

POLICE ARRESTED JOE BLOGGS,

A 27-YEAR OLD WHITE MALE IN A 

PUMPKIN PATCH AT 11:38PM FRIDAY.

BLOGGS WILL BE CHARGED WITH LEWD AND

LASCIVIOUS BEHAVIOUR, PUBLIC INDECENCY, AND

PUBLIC INTOXICATION AT THE COUNTY COURT ON MONDAY.

THE SUSPECT ALLEGEDLY STATED THAT AFTER A NIGHT

OF DRINKING, AS HE WAS PASSING A

PUMPKIN PATCH, HE DECIDED TO STOP.

"YOU KNOW, A PUMPKIN IS SOFT AND SQUISHY INSIDE,

AND THERE WAS NO ONE AROUND FOR MILES.

AT LEAST I THOUGHT THERE WASN'T,"

HE STATED IN A PHONE INTERVIEW FROM THE

COUNTY COURT JAIL.

BLOGGS WENT ON TO STATE THAT HE PULLED OVER

TO THE SIDE OF THE ROAD, PICKED OUT A PUMPKIN

THAT HE FELT WAS APPROPRIATE TO HIS PURPOSES,

POKED A HOLE IN IT, AND PROCEEDED TO

SATISFY HIS ALLEGED "NEED."

"I GUESS I WAS JUST REALLY INTO IT, YOU KNOW?"

HE COMMENTED WITH EVIDENT EMBARRASSMENT.

IN THE PROCESS, BLOGGS APPARENTLY FAILED TO

NOTICE THE POLICE CAR APPROACHING AND WAS

UNAWARE OF HIS AUDIENCE UNTIL OFFICER

B.T. APPROACHED HIM.

"IT WAS AN UNUSUAL SITUATION, THAT'S FOR SURE."

SAID OFFICER BT. "I WALKED UP TO (BLOGGS) AND

HE'S...JUST WORKING AWAY AT THIS PUMPKIN".

BT WENT ON TO DESCRIBE WHAT HAPPENED WHEN

SHE APPROACHED BLOGGS:

"I JUST WENT UP AND SAID, 'EXCUSE ME, SIR,

BUT DO YOU REALIZE THAT YOU ARE SCREWING A PUMPKIN?'

HE GOT REAL SURPRISED, AS YOU'D EXPECT AND THEN

LOOKED ME STRAIGHT IN THE FACE AND SAID,

'A PUMPKIN? DAMN...IS IT MIDNIGHT ALREADY?'"