MORE EDINBURGH FRINGE JOKES

41. MY DAD SAID: ‘ALWAYS LEAVE THEM WANTING MORE.’

IRONICALLY, THAT’S HOW HE LOST HIS JOB IN DISASTER RELIEF.

MARK WATSON.

42. IF YOU'VE HALF A MIND TO VOTE UKIP,

DON'T WORRY, IT'S ALL YOU NEED.

ANDY DE LA TOUR.

43. I USED TO BE OBSESSED WITH POSH SPICE.

IT COST ME A FORTUNE IN SAFFRON.

CHRIS TURNER.

44. IF YOU ARRIVE FASHIONABLY LATE IN

CROCS YOU'RE JUST LATE

JOEL DOMMETT.

45. I’M ALL FOR AN INDEPENDENT SCOTLAND

BUT I DON'T THINK YOU CAN BE PROPERLY

INDEPENDENT AND HAVE PANDAS IN THE ZOO.

IT'S CHEATING. AN INDEPENDENT SCOTLAND

SHOULD JUST HAVE SCOTTISH ANIMALS IN THE ZOO.

LIKE MIDGES. A GROUSE. AND THAT MAD BLOKE

THAT SCREAMS AT TOURISTS ON WAVERLY BRIDGE.

LLOYD LANGFORD.

46. NOW KIDS ARE NOT STUPID,

THEY SIMPLY CANNOT TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN

VERTICAL AND HORIZONTAL WHICH IS WHICH IS WHY IT’S

OKAY TO PUSH THEM OVER.

JOHN HASTINGS.

47. I DON'T LIKE LIGHT BULBS.

BECAUSE THEY LOOK LIKE THE GHOSTS OF DEAD PEARS.

PAUL F TAYLOR.

48. MONEY CAN’T BUY YOU HAPPINESS?

WELL, CHECK THIS OUT, I BOUGHT MYSELF A HAPPY MEAL.

PAUL F TAYLOR.

49. I WANTED TO DO A SHOW ABOUT FEMINISM.

BUT MY HUSBAND WOULDN’T LET ME.

RIA LINA.

50. THEY TELL US COCONUT OIL IS GOOD FOR OUR HAIR.

IT DOESN'T SEEM TO HAVE DONE THAT WELL FOR

THE COCONUT HAIR.

LLOYD LANGFORD.