Bad Dog Needs Rotten Home



Added on: 27th Apr 2015


One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love.


When it became apparent that we would marry,

I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.


Some months later, on my birthday,

my car broke down on the way home from work.

Since I lived in the countryside I called my

husband and told him that I would

be late because I had to walk home.


On my way, I passed by a small diner and the

odour of baked beans was more than I could stand.

With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any

ill effects by the time I reached home,

so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it,

I had consumed three large orders of baked beans.


All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.


Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited

to see me and exclaimed delightedly:

"Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight."


He then blindfolded me and led me to my

chair at the dinner table.

I took a seat and just as he was about to

remove my blindfold, the telephone rang.

He made me promise not to touch the blindfold

until he returned and went to answer the call.


The baked beans I had consumed were still

affecting me and the pressure was becoming

most unbearable, so while my husband was

out of the room I seized the opportunity,

shifted my weight to one leg and let one go.


It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer

truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill.


I took my napkin from my lap and fanned

the air around me vigorously.

Then, shifting to the other cheek,

I ripped off three more.

The stink was worse than cooked cabbage.


Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the

conversation in the other room,

I went on like this for another few minutes.


The pleasure was indescribable.


When eventually the telephone farewells

signalled the end of my freedom,

I quickly fanned the air a few more times with

my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my

hands back on it feeling very relieved

and pleased with myself.


My face must have been the picture of innocence

when my husband returned, apologizing for

taking so long.


He asked me if I had peeked through the

blindfold, and I assured him I had not.


At this point, he removed the blindfold,

and twelve dinner guests seated around the table

chorused: "Happy Birthday!"


I fainted!!!


Image result for woman farting


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