HOW TO DIE YOUNG

USE KROKODIL

This cheap Russian alternative to heroine rots your flesh from the

inside out and the pictures coming out of Russia have not been pretty.

MOVE TO ZHENGZHOU, CHINA

This smog ridden city is the most polluted in the world.

Combined with smoking…guaranteed lung cancer.

NOW MOVE TO CIUDAD JUAREZ, MEXICO

If Zhengzhou doesn’t cut it for you then moving to the most

dangerous place in the world outside of declared war zones will.

GO SUNBATHING ON THE WHITE HOUSE LAWN

Between snipers, attack dogs, and other super advanced robotic

anti sunbather weaponry this should be one of your last resorts.

RUN ACROSS KENYA WITH RAW STEAKS OF

PRIME RIB HANGING FROM YOUR BELT BUCKLE

We feel as though this one doesn’t really need an explanation.

Your life expectancy will be directly correlated to the effectiveness

of your evasive manoeuvers.

BECOME A DRUG DEALER IN CHICAGO

With one of the highest levels of violent crime on Earth,

Chicago’s gang and drug industry has an astronomically

morbid turnover rate.

WHATEVER YOU DO NEVER VISIT JAPAN

…OR THE MEDITERRANEAN

Sure, the Mediterranean countries might get a bad rap for being

lazy and just relaxing all day…but guess what? They live very,

very long lives. This is absolutely not where you want to be.

INSULT KIM KONG IL WHILE VISITING NORTH KOREA

This is more like it. If there is any place on Earth guaranteed to

decrease your life expectancy, North Korea would certainly be a

contender. Add a public insult to Kimmy Il and you can probably

count the seconds you have left on one hand.