HOW TO DIE YOUNG
Added on: 29th May 2015
This cheap Russian alternative to heroine rots your flesh from the
inside out and the pictures coming out of Russia have not been pretty.
MOVE TO ZHENGZHOU, CHINA
This smog ridden city is the most polluted in the world.
Combined with smoking…guaranteed lung cancer.
NOW MOVE TO CIUDAD JUAREZ, MEXICO
If Zhengzhou doesn’t cut it for you then moving to the most
dangerous place in the world outside of declared war zones will.
GO SUNBATHING ON THE WHITE HOUSE LAWN
Between snipers, attack dogs, and other super advanced robotic
anti sunbather weaponry this should be one of your last resorts.
RUN ACROSS KENYA WITH RAW STEAKS OF
PRIME RIB HANGING FROM YOUR BELT BUCKLE
We feel as though this one doesn’t really need an explanation.
Your life expectancy will be directly correlated to the effectiveness
of your evasive manoeuvers.
BECOME A DRUG DEALER IN CHICAGO
With one of the highest levels of violent crime on Earth,
Chicago’s gang and drug industry has an astronomically
morbid turnover rate.
WHATEVER YOU DO NEVER VISIT JAPAN
…OR THE MEDITERRANEAN
Sure, the Mediterranean countries might get a bad rap for being
lazy and just relaxing all day…but guess what? They live very,
very long lives. This is absolutely not where you want to be.
INSULT KIM KONG IL WHILE VISITING NORTH KOREA
This is more like it. If there is any place on Earth guaranteed to
decrease your life expectancy, North Korea would certainly be a
contender. Add a public insult to Kimmy Il and you can probably
count the seconds you have left on one hand.