PHILOSOPHERS OF OUR TIME

JOHN GLENN

As I hurtled through space,

one thought kept crossing my mind -
every part of this rocket was supplied

by the lowest bidder.

DESMOND TUTU

When the white missionaries came to Africa they

had the Bible and we had the land.

They said 'Let us pray.'

We closed our eyes.
When we opened them we had the Bible

and they had the land.

DAVID LETTERMAN

America is the only country where a

significant proportion of the population

believes that professional wrestling

is real but the moon landing was fake.

HOWARD HUGHES

I'm not a paranoid, deranged millionaire.

I'm a billionaire.

OLD ITALIAN PROVERB

After the game, the King and the pawn

go into the same box.

BETSY SALKIND

Men are like linoleum floors. Lay them right and

you can walk all over them for thirty years.

JEAN KERR

The only reason they say 'Women and children first'

is to test the strength of the lifeboats.

ZSA ZSA GABOR

I've been married to a communist and a fascist, and

neither would take out the garbage.

JEFF FOXWORTHY

You know you're a redneck

if your home has wheels

and your car doesn't.