BRITISH JOKES

1.   “I’ve been single for so long now,

when somebody says to me,

'Who are you with?’,

I automatically say: 'Vodafone.’”

Miranda Hart

2.   “I went to a restaurant that serves

breakfast at any time.

So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.”

Peter Kay

3.   “A friend of mine always wanted to be

run over by a steam train.

When it happened, he was chuffed to bits.”

Tim Vine

4.   “I thought when I was 41,

I would be married with kids.

Well, to be honest I thought I would

be married with weekend access.”

Sean Hughes

5.   “I heard a rumour that Cadbury is

bringing out an oriental chocolate bar.

Could be a Chinese Wispa.”

Rob Auton

6.   “I lost my virginity very late.

When it finally happened,

I wasn’t so much deflowered as deadheaded.”

Holly Walsh

7.   “I’m sure wherever my dad is he is

looking down on us.

He’s not dead,

just very condescending.”

Jack Whitehall

8.   “Hedgehogs.

Why can’t they just share the hedge?”

Dan Antopolski

9.   “Try shoving an ice-cube down

your wife’s front at night.

'There’s the chest freezer you wanted.’”

Ken Dodd

10.                  “You know who really gives

kids a bad name?

Posh and Becks.”

Stewart Francis