SPERM SAMPLE

AN 85-YEAR-OLD MAN WAS

REQUESTED BY HIS DOCTOR

FOR A SPERM COUNT

AS PART OF HIS PHYSICAL EXAM.

THE DOCTOR GAVE THE MAN

A JAR AND SAID,

"TAKE THIS JAR HOME AND

BRING BACK A SEMEN SAMPLE TOMORROW."

THE NEXT DAY THE 85-YEAR-OLD MAN

REAPPEARED AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE

AND GAVE HIM THE JAR,

WHICH WAS AS CLEAN AND EMPTY

AS ON THE PREVIOUS DAY.

THE DOCTOR ASKED,

WHAT HAPPENED AND THE MAN EXPLAINED.

"WELL, DOC, IT'S LIKE THIS

 FIRST I TRIED WITH MY RIGHT HAND,

BUT NOTHING.

THEN I TRIED WITH MY LEFT HAND,

BUT STILL NOTHING.

THEN I ASKED MY WIFE FOR HELP.

SHE TRIED WITH HER RIGHT HAND,

THEN WITH HER LEFT,

STILL NOTHING.

SHE TRIED WITH HER MOUTH,

FIRST WITH THE TEETH IN,

THEN WITH HER TEETH OUT,

STILL NOTHING.

WE EVEN CALLED UP ARLEEN,

THE LADY NEXT DOOR

AND SHE TRIED TOO,

FIRST WITH BOTH HANDS,

THEN AN ARMPIT,

AND SHE EVEN TRIED SQUEEZIN' IT

BETWEEN HER KNEES,

BUT STILL NOTHING."

THE DOCTOR WAS SHOCKED!

"YOU ASKED YOUR NEIGHBOUR?"

THE OLD MAN REPLIED,

"YEP, NONE OF US

COULD GET THE JAR OPEN."