THE PROPER WAY TO CALL SOMEONE A BASTARD

A GUY WAS GETTING READY TO

TEE OFF ON THE FIRST HOLE

WHEN A SECOND GOLFER APPROACHED

AND ASKED IF HE COULD JOIN HIM. 

THE FIRST SAID THAT HE

USUALLY PLAYED ALONE,

BUT AGREED TO THE TWOSOME.

THEY WERE EVEN AFTER

THE FIRST FEW HOLES.

THE SECOND GUY SAID,

"WE'RE ABOUT EVENLY MATCHED,

BUT HOW ABOUT PLAYING

FOR £5 A HOLE?"

THE FIRST GUY SAID THAT HE

WASN'T MUCH FOR BETTING,

BUT AGREED TO THE TERMS. 

THE SECOND GUY WON THE

REMAINING SIXTEEN HOLES WITH EASE.

AS THEY WERE WALKING OFF

NUMBER EIGHTEEN, THE SECOND GUY

WAS BUSY COUNTING HIS £80. 

HE CONFESSED THAT HE WAS THE PRO

ON A NEIGHBOURING COURSE

AND LIKED TO PICK ON SUCKERS.

THE FIRST FELLOW REVEALED

THAT HE WAS THE PARISH PRIEST.

THE PRO WAS FLUSTERED AND APOLOGETIC,

OFFERING TO RETURN THE £80.

THE PRIEST SAID,

"YOU WON FAIR AND SQUARE AND

I WAS FOOLISH TO BET WITH YOU.

YOU KEEP YOUR WINNINGS."

THE PRO SAID,

"IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO

TO MAKE IT UP TO YOU?"

THE PRIEST SAID,

"WELL, YOU COULD COME TO MASS

ON SUNDAY AND MAKE A DONATION.

AND, IF YOU WANT TO BRING YOUR

MOTHER AND FATHER ALONG,

I'LL MARRY THEM.