EUROENGLISH
Added on: 20th Dec 2015
THE EUROPEAN COMMISSION HAVE JUST ANNOUNCED
AN AGREEMENT WHEREBY ENGLISH WILL BE THE
OFFICIAL LANGUAGE OF THE EU RATHER THAN GERMAN,
WHICH WAS THE OTHER POSSIBILITY.
AS PART OF THE NEGOTIATIONS,
HER MAJESTY'S GOVERNMENT CONCEDED THAT
ENGLISH SPELLING HAD SOME ROOM FOR
IMPROVEMENT AND HAS ACCEPTED A
5 YEAR PHASE IN PLAN THAT WOULD BE KNOWN
AS "EUROENGLISH": -- IN THE FIRST YEAR,
"S" WILL REPLACE THE SOFT "C".. SERTAINLY,
THIS WILL MAKE THE SIVIL SERVANTS JUMP WITH JOY.
THE HARD "C" WILL BE DROPPED IN FAVOR OF THE "K".
THIS SHOULD KLEAR UP KONFUSION AND
KEYBOARDS KAN HAVE 1 LESS LETTER.
THERE WILL BE GROWING PUBLIK ENTHUSIASM
IN THE SEKOND YEAR,
WHEN THE TROUBLESOME "PH"
WILL BE REPLACED WITH THE "F".
THIS WILL MAKE WORDS LIKE "FOTOGRAF" 20% SHORTER.
IN THE 3RD YEAR, PUBLIK AKSEPTANSE OF
THE NEW SPELLING KAN BE EXPEKTED TO REACH
THE STAGE WHERE MORE KOMPLIKATED CHANGES
ARE POSSIBLE. GOVERNMENTS WILL ENKORAGE
THE REMOVAL OF DOUBLE LETTERS, WHICH HAVE
ALWAYS BEN A DETERENT TO AKURATE SPELING.
ALSO, AL WIL AGRE THAT THE HORIBLE MES
OF THE SILENT "E"'S IN THE LANGUAGE IS DISGRACEFUL,
AND THEY SHOULD GO AWAY.
BY THE 4TH YAR, PEOPL WIL BE RESEPTIV TO
STEPS SUCH AS REPLASING "TH" WITH "Z" AND
"W" WITH "V". DURING ZE FIFZ YEAR, ZE
UNESESARY "O" KAN BE DROPD FROM VORDS
KONTAIINING "OU" AND SIMILAR CHANGES VUD
OF KORS BE APLID TO OZER KOMBINATIONS
OF LETERS. AFTER ZIS FIFZ YER,
VE VIL HAV A RELI SENSIBL RITEN STYL.
ZER VIL BE NO MOR TRUBLS OR DIFIKULTIS AND
EVRIVUN VIL FIND IT EZI TU UNDERSTAND ECH OZER.
ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!!
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