TRANSCRIPT OF A CALL TO THE POLICE

CALLER:

HI, UH, WE’RE THE TWO DUMB ASSES THAT GOT

CAUGHT TRYING TO BRING SOME STUFF

THROUGH YOUR BORDER AND ALL YOUR

COPS ARE JUST DRIVING AROUND US LIKE

A BUNCH OF JACK WAGONS AND I’D JUST LIKE

FOR YOU GUYS TO END IT.

IF YOU COULD HELP ME OUT WITH THAT,

WE WOULD LIKE TO JUST GET ON WITH IT.

DISPATCHER:

YOU GOT CAUGHT DOING WHAT?

CALLER:

AHH… OKAY. UM… WE KIND OF GOT SPOOKED

HERE TRYING TO BRING SOME STUFF

ACROSS YOUR IDAHO BORDER.

DISPATCHER:

OK.

CALLER:

AND, YEAH. A BUNCH OF YOUR COPS DRIVING

AROUND IN A BUNCH OF CIVILIAN CARS NOT

WANTING TO PICK US UP.

I DON’T KNOW WHAT’S THE DEAL.

I WAS JUST WONDERING IF YOU COULD

HELP US OUT AND JUST END IT.

DISPATCHER:

OK… UM….

CALLER:

YEAH… IF YOU COULD CALL ONE OF THEM.

I DON’T KNOW. IT’S GETTING COLD OUT HERE MAN.

I JUST WANT TO GET WARM AND JUST GET

ON WITH THIS WHOLE THING SO…

DISPATCHER:

OK. WHERE YOU AT RIGHT NOW?

CALLER:

UNIVERSITY BOULEVARD RIGHT NEXT TO THE

GAS STATION AND APPLEBEE’S.

ALL YOUR BUDDIES ARE AROUND US

SO IF YOU COULD HELP US OUT

THAT’D BE GREAT.

DISPATCHER:

OK… ALRIGHT. IS IT JUST YOU OR

IS THERE ANYBODY ELSE WITH YOU?

CALLER:

IT’S ME AND MY BUDDY THAT I BROUGHT

WITH ME AND THEN WE HAVE A DOG THAT

WE WERE GONNA BRING BACK TO IT’S OWNER BUT…

DISPATCHER: OH OK.

CALLER:

SHE’S A REALLY NICE DOG.

SHE’S NOT MEAN. SHE’S A PITBULL…

DISPATCHER:

OH… COOL.

CALLER:

SHE’S REALLY COLD IN THE CAR. S

HE COULD USE SOME FOOD TOO.

DISPATCHER:

OK. WHAT WAS YOUR NAME MAN?

CALLER:

IT’S LELAND.

DISPATCHER:

LELAND… OKAY. HOLD ON JUST ONE

SECOND OKAY. STAY ON THE PHONE WITH ME.

CALLER:

ALRIGHT. THANK YOU.

(SPEAKING TO SWARD): HE’S A NICE GUY.

WANT ME TO JUMP IN THE AIR

AND CLICK MY HEELS TWICE OR WHAT?

DISPATCHER:

DO YOU GUYS HAVE ANY GUNS OR

WEAPONS OR ANYTHING ON YOU AT ALL?

CALLER:

NOPE WE DON’T HAVE ANY OF THAT STUFF

WITH US. JUST A BUNCH OF SNACKS AND STUFF.

DISPATCHER:

ALRIGHT. I JUST WANNA MAKE SURE.

THEY’RE JUST CURIOUS.

CALLER:

YEAH, YEAH. WE TRIED WALKING AWAY

FROM THE CAR A COUPLE TIMES AND THAT

DIDN’T WORK. WE TRIED WAVING THEM DOWN

AND THAT DIDN’T WORK SO I DON’T

KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON HERE.

DISPATCHER:

OK. I DO HAVE ONE OF MY MARKED UNITS.

HE’S ON HIS WAY OVER THERE SO HE’S

ON HIS WAY TO MEET YOU.

CALLER:

ALRIGHT. THANK YOU.