COMPUTERS

 FOR ALL OF US WHO FEEL ONLY

THE DEEPEST LOVE AND AFFECTION

FOR THE WAY COMPUTERS HAVE

ENHANCED OUR LIVES,

READ ON.  

AT  A RECENT COMPUTER EXPO (COMDEX),

BILL GATES REPORTEDLY COMPARED

THE COMPUTER INDUSTRY WITH THE

AUTO INDUSTRY AND STATED:  

'IF FORD HAD KEPT UP WITH TECHNOLOGY

LIKE THE COMPUTER INDUSTRY HAS,

WE WOULD ALL BE DRIVING $25 CARS

THAT GOT 1,000 MILES TO THE GALLON.'

IN RESPONSE TO BILL 'S COMMENTS,

FORD ISSUED A PRESS RELEASE STATING :

IF FORD HAD DEVELOPED TECHNOLOGY

LIKE MICROSOFT,

WE WOULD ALL BE DRIVING CARS

WITH THE FOLLOWING CHARACTERISTICS

(AND I JUST LOVE THIS PART):

1.      FOR NO REASON WHATSOEVER,

YOUR CAR WOULD CRASH.........TWICE A DAY..

2.      EVERY TIME THEY REPAINTED

THE LINES IN THE ROAD,

YOU WOULD HAVE TO BUY A NEW CAR.  

3.      OCCASIONALLY YOUR CAR WOULD DIE ON

THE FREEWAY FOR NO REASON. 

YOU WOULD HAVE TO PULL TO

THE SIDE OF THE ROAD,

CLOSE ALL OF THE WINDOWS,

SHUT OFF THE CAR, RESTART IT,

AND REOPEN THE WINDOWS BEFORE

YOU COULD CONTINUE.

FOR SOME REASON YOU WOULD

SIMPLY ACCEPT THIS.

4.      OCCASIONALLY, EXECUTING A

MANOEUVRE SUCH AS A LEFT TURN

WOULD CAUSE YOUR CAR TO

SHUT DOWN AND REFUSE TO RESTART,

IN WHICH CASE YOU WOULD

HAVE TO REINSTALL THE ENGINE.  

5.      MACINTOSH WOULD MAKE A CAR

THAT WAS POWERED BY THE SUN,

WAS RELIABLE, FIVE TIMES AS FAST

AND TWICE AS EASY TO DRIVE - BUT

WOULD RUN ON ONLY FIVE PERCENT

OF THE ROADS.

6.      THE OIL, WATER TEMPERATURE, AND

ALTERNATOR WARNING LIGHTS WOULD

ALL BE REPLACED BY A SINGLE

'THIS CAR HAS PERFORMED AN

ILLEGAL OPERATION' WARNING LIGHT.  

I  LOVE THE NEXT ONE!!!  

7.      THE AIRBAG SYSTEM WOULD ASK

'ARE YOU SURE?'

BEFORE DEPLOYING.  

8.      OCCASIONALLY,

FOR NO REASON WHATSOEVER,

YOUR CAR WOULD LOCK YOU OUT

AND REFUSE TO LET YOU IN UNTIL

YOU SIMULTANEOUSLY LIFTED

THE DOOR HANDLE, TURNED THE KEY AND

GRABBED HOLD OF THE RADIO ANTENNA.  

9.      EVERY TIME A NEW CAR WAS

INTRODUCED CAR BUYERS WOULD HAVE

TO LEARN HOW TO DRIVE ALL OVER AGAIN

BECAUSE NONE OF THE CONTROLS WOULD

OPERATE IN THE SAME MANNER

AS THE OLD CAR.

10. YOU'D HAVE TO PRESS THE 'START'

BUTTON TO TURN THE ENGINE OFF.  

PS  - I 'D LIKE TO ADD THAT WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS,

YOU COULD CALL 'CUSTOMER SERVICE' IN

SOME FOREIGN COUNTRY AND BE INSTRUCTED

IN SOME FOREIGN LANGUAGE

HOW TO FIX YOUR CAR YOURSELF!!!!