THESE MAY OFFEND EVERYONE

SINCE THE SNOW CAME,

ALL THE WIFE HAS DONE

IS LOOK THROUGH THE WINDOW. 

IF IT GETS ANY WORSE,

I'LL HAVE TO LET HER IN.

----------------------------------------

I'VE BEEN CHARGED WITH MURDER

FOR KILLING A MAN WITH SANDPAPER. 

TO BE HONEST I ONLY INTENDED

TO ROUGH HIM UP A BIT.

----------------------------------------

TWO WOMEN CALLED AT MY DOOR

AND ASKED WHAT BREAD I ATE.

WHEN I SAID WHITE,

THEY GAVE ME A LECTURE

ON THE BENEFITS OF BROWN BREAD

FOR 30 MINUTES.

I THINK THEY WERE THOSE

HOVIS WITNESSES.

----------------------------------------

SEVEN WHEELCHAIR ATHLETES

HAVE BEEN BANNED FROM THE

PARALYMPICS AFTER THEY

TESTED POSITIVE FOR WD40.

----------------------------------------

A MUMMY COVERED IN CHOCOLATE AND

NUTS HAS BEEN DISCOVERED IN EGYPT .

ARCHAEOLOGISTS BELIEVE IT MAY BE

PHARAOH ROCHER.......

----------------------------------------

JUST A REMINDER

TO THOSE WHO STOLE

ELECTRICAL GOODS

IN LAST YEAR'S RIOTS......

YOUR ONE YEAR

MANUFACTURER'S WARRANTY

RUNS OUT SOON.

----------------------------------------

 TWO INDIAN JUNKIES

ACCIDENTALLY SNORTED

CURRY POWDER INSTEAD OF COCAINE.

BOTH IN HOSPITAL

ONE'S IN A KORMA

THE OTHER'S GOT A DODGY TIKKA!

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 IN THE FIRST FEW DAYS OF THE

OLYMPICS, EASTERN EUROPEANS

TOOK GOLD, SILVER, BRONZE,

COPPER & LEAD.

----------------------------------------

AN ENGLISHMAN HAS STARTED HIS

OWN BUSINESS IN AFGHANISTAN. 

HE IS MAKING LAND MINES

THAT LOOK LIKE PRAYER MATS!

IT'S DOING WELL!  

PROPHETS ARE GOING THROUGH THE ROOF!

----------------------------------------

A BOY ASKS HIS GRANNY,

'HAVE YOU SEEN MY PILLS,

THEY WERE LABELLED LSD?'

GRANNY REPLIES,

‘B-GG-R THE PILLS,

HAVE YOU SEEN THE

DRAGONS IN THE KITCHEN?’!

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