INSANELY FUNNY AMAZON PRODUCT REVIEWS

UFO DETECTOR

Reviewed by: A Trustworthy Human

“I, as a resonable and trUstworthy hUman, do not gleep nerp this

ungood prodUct. Bad it is for Us hUmans to purchase and

opperate this online pUrchasable prodUct. As the person

from Earth that I am, I think that all of my other fellow hUmans

on Earth should immediately disUse and florgnify this Utterly

Zorglefran, I mean bad item for bUying. Ha Ha. I am laughing with

hUmor with the funny word I made up with my typing that I am

not doing by direct thought extraction, and instant data

transmission to Amazon.comwebsite. Ha Ha. That was

highly hUmoroUs and glerp. UFO detectors are so dUmb

because all humans from Earth like the one I am, know that

we I mean they do not even exist! Ha Ha”

RELAXMAN RELAXATION CAPSULE

Review by: Sailoil

“One drawback, when it was delivered the capsule had no

bolt on the outside. But I’m handy, so I installed one.

I have been locking the wife and kids into the chamber

from 7pm to 7am every evening, and boy am I relaxed.

This really works.”

PLAYMOBIL SECURITY CHECK POINT

Reviewed by: prd

“I will never need to buy toothpaste again thanks to Playmobil.

Not realizing this was a toy I purchased it to prepare for my

interview as a TSA agent. Needless to say I aced it and have

been happily viewing xrays of carry-on luggage and shoes

ever since. As noted above, the free toothpaste is just icing

on the cake – never expected a free lifetime supply, but who’s

complaining. This is a “must-have” for any aspiring

TSA agent out there.”

MILK CARTON HAT

Review by: Timothy Poteet

“Those of you who follow my reviews know that I have a fondness

for classy headware. When I go out to the discos, I like to be

looking my best and I needed a hat that would go nicely with

my white Saturday Night Fever style leisure suit. The Milk

Carton Hood Adult Hat looked promising. I have a silk shirt that

perfectly matches the blue writing on the carton and a lot of

ladies have told me that when I combine the Milk Carton Hood

Adult Hat with that particular shirt, it really draws attention to

my “pretty blue eyes” (blush). A hat like this exudes confidence.

It says “Hey ladies… I’m different… I have my OWN type of

swagger…” For the finely appointed gentleman, this hat will

make a classy addition to your hat collection.”

INFLATABLE TOAST

Reviewed by: PositiveLastAction

“I have used many different types of inflatable toast an I can say

without question that this is the best inflatable toast out there.

The toast inflates quickly and with ease..this is important when

I am pressed for time and need inflatable toast at a moments

notice. If you are like me and can’t be without a high quality

inflatable toast, THIS is the one for you!”

FRESH WHOLE RABBIT

Reviewed by: Ty

“I was sent a live rabbit, a hammer and a skinning knife.

It doesn’t get fresher than this, folks.”

FIVE-POUND FAT REPLICA

Reviewed by: DK9777

“I’ve been searching for a good body fat replica for years.

You think it would be easy, right? But it’s not. Some are not

nearly pliant enough. Some look too fake. I even found one

that was actually greasy and just not good for my body fat

demonstrations. But that’s not the case this time! This is

the best five pound body fat replica on the market. If you show

this baby to someone carrying an extra forty pounds, they

are sure to take notice. Show it to your kids and they will

suddenly want to go out side and play. It might be the premier

body part replica on the market–even better than dirty

lungs, clogged arteries, or decaying teeth!

Bonus points for the realistic blood vessels!”

3M 8979N PERFORMANCE PLUS NUCLEAR

DUCT TAPE, SLATE BLUE 48MM WIDE X 54.8M LONG

Reviewed by: honeybearsf

“When we found cracks in the containment structure, we used

to have to shut the whole plant down; then there was a lot of

hassle with the nuclear regulatory agency about structural

integrity and environmental contamination. With this quality

duct tape, that’s all in the past. Now, when we see a cracked

or crumbling wall, we just bring out the tape. The slate blue

blends right in. I do recommend that you use use double

layers for openings near the reactor core.”

ALL MY FRIENDS ARE DEAD

Reviewed by: KT

“Everyone who comes to my apartment and reads this book

dies laughing. Now all my friends are dead.”