CONTENTIOUS HEROES

OCEAN'S ELEVEN

If you haven’t seen the movie, here is (sort of) a spoiler

alert. They detonate an EMP bomb in a major city.

Just think of all the airplanes, traffic and people on

life support that they just killed.

WOODROW WILSON

Although he played a role in the creation of the

League of Nations, re-segregating the government

was definitely not a high point of his career. Or the

fact that he has been accused of indirectly causing

the Vietnam War by refusing to help Ho Chi Minh

against the French (who then decided to

look elsewhere aka China).

ANDREW JACKSON

As the Cherokee will tell you, getting the military to

force them out of their land was not cool. Although

we have to admit, Manifest Destiny aka “this land

is ours because we’re awesome” was first

introduced by President James Polk.

JERRY

As a kid you thought he was just the helpless little mouse trying

not to be eaten by the big mean cat. Then you grow up and

realize he’s a good for nothing thief and Tom is just doing

his job to protect the house.

QUEEN VICTORIA

During the Irish Famine she blocked the Turkish Sultan

from sending in food because it was more than her

personal contribution and she didn’t want to look bad.

And that was after her government basically caused

the famine in the first place! But good guy Sultan

smuggled the food ashore anyway.

THE VIKINGS

Similar to pirates, Vikings have been romanticized. If you

just read a little bit about their culture though, you will be

thankful for wherever it is that you live.

ROMEO

Everyone thinks it’s a beautiful and touching love story.

No. It’s about a couple of teenagers that end up causing

the deaths of numerous people, including themselves,

because of their stupidity.

HUGO CHAVEZ

Once again, it’s usually hipsters who didn’t actually live under

Chavez that spout his greatness. The feeling is not

reciprocated by many Venezuelans.