MOIST FACTS ABOUT FARTS THAT ARE ANYTHING BUT SILENT OR DEADLY

THE WORD FART IS CONSIDERED TO BE VULGAR

NOWADAYS, BUT IN REALITY IT COMES FROM

THE NOBLE OLD ENGLISH WORD FEORTAN,

WHICH MEANS “TO BREAK WIND.”

THE ANCIENT GREEKS AND ROMANS WERE REALLY

OPEN-MINDED ABOUT FARTING; THE FATHER OF

MEDICINE, HIPPOCRATES, CONSIDERED BREAKING

WIND NECESSARY TO WELL-BEING, WHILE THE

ROMAN EMPEROR CLAUDIUS ENCOURAGED ALL

CITIZENS TO FART WHENEVER OR WHEREVER

THEY FELT LIKE IT

IN ANCIENT JAPAN, PUBLIC COMPETITIONS WERE

ORGANIZED TO SEE WHO COULD FART THE LOUDEST

AND LONGEST. THE WINNERS OF THE “FART

OLYMPICS” RECEIVED MANY PRIZES AND ENJOYED

GREAT RESPECT IN THEIR HOMETOWNS

PROFESSOR PAUL MCDONALD OF THE UNIVERSITY

OF WOLVERHAMPTON CLAIMS THAT A SUMERIAN

JOKE FROM 1900 BCE IS THE WORLD’S OLDEST

RECORDED ONE-LINER. WHAT’S THE JOKE ABOUT?

WELL, FARTING. “SOMETHING THAT HAS NEVER

OCCURRED SINCE TIME IMMEMORIAL; A YOUNG

WOMAN DID NOT FART IN HER HUSBAND’S LAP.”

HOLDING IN FARTS CAN BE BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH

AND CAUSES THINGS SUCH AS HAEMORRHOIDS

AND A DISTENDED BOWEL. HOWEVER, DON’T

WORRY TOO MUCH ABOUT IT, BECAUSE SCIENCE

ASSURES US THAT IN THE VAST MAJORITY OF

THE CASES THE “HOSTAGE FARTS” WILL

EVENTUALLY MAKE THEIR WAY OUT

WHEN YOU SLEEP

FARTING ON AN AIRPLANE IS REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE

NO MATTER HOW YOU LOOK AT IT. DUE TO CABIN

PRESSURE, MORE INTESTINAL GAS BUILDS UP

WHILE ON AN AIRPLANE THAN WHEN YOU’RE ON

LAND. WHAT’S EVEN WORSE IS THE FACT THAT

FIFTY PERCENT OF CABIN AIR IS RECIRCULATED,

WHICH MEANS THAT A FART WILL BE RECYCLED

INSIDE AN AIRPLANE

EVEN IF YOUR FARTS SMELL WAY WORSE THAN

THOSE OF THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU, THEY WILL

NEVER DISGUST YOU AS MUCH AS SOMEONE ELSE’S

FARTS, SINCE IT’S BEEN SCIENTIFICALLY PROVEN

THAT ONE BECOMES HABITUATED TO THE STINK

AND ODOURS THAT ONE’S BODY GENERATES

A RECENT STUDY SHOWED THAT THE SMELL OF

SMALL AMOUNTS OF HYDROGEN SULFIDE CAN

REVERSE MITOCHONDRIAL DAMAGE AND HELP

AVERT STROKES, DEMENTIA, CANCER AND HEART

ATTACKS. IN OTHER WORDS, SNIFFING YOUR OWN

FARTS ISN’T A BAD THING AFTER ALL

EVEN THOUGH SOME GASTROENTEROLOGISTS

HAVE CLAIMED THAT A HUMAN CAN’T BREAK

WIND BELOW THIRTY FEET, VARIOUS SCUBA

DIVERS HAVE MADE CLAIMS THAT PROVE

THEM WRONG