CHEMIST'S BAD DAY

UPON ARRIVING HOME IN EAGER

ANTICIPATION OF A LEISURELY EVENING,

HE HUSBAND WAS MET AT THE DOOR

BY HIS SOBBING WIFE.

TEARFULLY SHE EXPLAINED,

"IT'S THE DRUGGIST,

HE INSULTED ME TERRIBLY THIS

MORNING ON THE PHONE."

IMMEDIATELY THE HUSBAND DROVE

DOWNTOWN TO ACCOST THE DRUGGIST

AND DEMAND AN APOLOGY.

BEFORE HE COULD SAY MORE

THAN A WORD OR TWO,

THE DRUGGIST TOLD HIM,

"NOW, JUST A MINUTE,

LISTEN TO MY SIDE OF IT.

THIS MORNING THE ALARM

FAILED TO GO OFF,

SO I WAS LATE GETTING UP.

I WENT WITHOUT BREAKFAST AND

HURRIED OUT TO THE CAR,

BUT I'LL BE DAMNED IF I DIDN'T

LOCK THE HOUSE WITH BOTH HOUSE

AND CAR KEYS INSIDE.

I HAD TO BREAK A WINDOW

TO GET MY KEYS.

DRIVING A LITTLE TOO FAST,

I GOT A SPEEDING TICKET.

THEN, ABOUT THREE BLOCKS FROM

THE STORE I HAD A FLAT TIRE.

WHEN I FINALLY GOT TO THE STORE

THERE WAS A BUNCH OF PEOPLE

WAITING FOR ME TO OPEN UP.

I GOT THE STORE OPENED AND

STARTED WAITING ON THESE PEOPLE

AND ALL THE TIME THE DARN PHONE

WAS RINGING ITS HEAD OFF.

THEN I HAD TO BREAK A ROLL OF

NICKELS AGAINST THE CASH

REGISTER DRAWER TO MAKE CHANGE

AND THEY SPILLED ALL OVER THE FLOOR.

I GOT DOWN ON MY HANDS AND KNEES

TO PICK UP THE NICKELS. 

THE PHONE IS STILL RINGING,

WHEN I CAME UP I CRACKED MY

HEAD ON THE OPEN CASH DRAWER,

WHICH MADE ME STAGGER BACK

AGAINST A SHOWCASE WITH A

BUNCH OF PERFUME BOTTLES ON IT

AND HALF OF THEM HIT THE FLOOR AND BROKE.

THE PHONE IS STILL RINGING

WITH NO LET UP

AND I FINALLY GOT BACK TO ANSWER IT.

IT WAS YOUR WIFE,

SHE WANTED TO KNOW HOW TO

USE A RECTAL THERMOMETER.

WELL, MISTER,

I TOLD HER!"